Sticky Chicken My Way

I was listening to XM radio the other day and the Oprah channel had a group of chefs on with her (from an old show). Because it was the radio, I couldn’t SEE what they doing, but I heard them talking about healthy meals for the family with Tyler, Cat (oy, what problems!) and Curtis. Curtis mentioned some quick recipes that he likes and one of them was Sticky Chicken Drumsticks. I’ve heard him talk about those before.

This is my version. I didn’t use drumsticks and I didn’t use Chinese Barbecue Sauce, although I would have been happy to if I’d had some.  Also my recipe gives you some sauce in the baking dish to use on rice, which is never a bad thing.

Sticky Chicken (serves 4)

adapted from Curtis Stone’s Sticky Chicken Drumsticks

Printable recipe here.

1/4 cup honey

1/8 cup hoisin sauce

1/8 cup soy sauce

1 thick slice of ginger

1 tsp. sesame oil

2 tsps. sesame seeds

1 package (anything under 2 lbs.) boneless chicken thighs or breasts 

For garnish: chopped scallions and 1 tsp. sesame seeds

Preheat oven to 400°F.

Mix together 1st six ingredients in a large bowl. Add the chicken and mix it around well. Cover and marinate in the fridge for at least 30 minutes or overnight, turning at least once.

Place chicken in Pam-ed baking dish, nice side up, scrapping all the marinade on top of the chicken. Bake boneless thighs for 20 minutes; boneless chicken breasts for about 15 minutes. Place under the broiler for about 2 minutes, to get a good color.

Sprinkle with chopped scallions and a teaspoon of sesame seeds before serving with rice. 

What’s The Best Thing About “Around The World In 80 Plates”?

Definitely Cat Cora’s haircut.

I finally got around to watching the first episode. I know the second episode is on tonight. I didn’t really want to watch it, but the promos made Cat Cora’s new haircut look really alluring. I wanted to see what happened to it as she goes around in the world to places of different humidity levels. (I bet it looks super, no matter how steamy the weather.)

I really liked the first five seconds of the show when Cat and Curtis say the words ”We’re going around the world in 80 plates” and the background changes to a different country with every word or so. That was nifty. The show went downhill after that and the title is kind of dumb.

Even in the promo, you can tell that this is Amazing Race/Survivor meets Top Chef. The idea is that the chefs will work in teams (ick) in each country and complete a culinary race that will “test their skill, stamina and knowledge of local cuisine”.

I have to admit I’ve only seen the Amazing Race once (when they went to Cambodia…neat), but this seems like a complete and total ripoff of that. The chefs don’t have to make their own way to different countries, but once they’re there, they have to engage in some kind of competition and get themselves around the new city. The added spin is that the chefs take over local restaurants to cook local dishes hoping to impress the local customers.

I’m thinking that besides being a super-competitive triathlete, the winning chef will have to be cocky, a definite stabber-in-the-back and a chef who is probably trained classically, but also (just as importantly) knows his or her way around Asian cooking. You just know they’re going to end up in some country that ends in SIA. Malaysia, Indonesia, or just plain ASIA counts too.

The only reason I’m watching this is to see how Cat’s hair fares, but I also want to see the places. This week was London. We actually only saw the inside of two pubs, but next week is France and any view there would be great. Plus Spain looks to be in the mix. I haven’t looked into any further episodes and, really, I couldn’t care less about the chefs. Let’s see if they make me care.

Next they show little clips of the chefs. The two most noteworthy? Number one is Sai, some Thai chef gal, who says she wants to be known for people wanting to _ _ _ _ her. HEY! Isn’t this a family show?!! We also see suggestive model-type photos. She is really gross. Just cook.

The other guy I’m interested in is the chef of the Boston Red Sox. Who knew baseball teams had their own chefs? I mean I know chefs work in stadiums and stuff, but to call yourself the Chef of the Boston Red Sox is cool. He cooks for all the VIP’s. Let’s face it, where is there better food than at a ballpark? Really I’m not kidding.

The chefs all arrive in London (separately) and we see three other chefs who don’t know Big Ben when they see it. That probably doesn’t bode well for their general savoir faire. I’m not being mean. I’ve never been to St. Louis, for example, but I’d know the arch anywhere. Same difference.  By the way, one of those chefs looks exactly like Mary Alice from the Ace of Cakes.

One young guy brags that he works for Art Smith and has cooked for presidents and Oprah. Well, that is exciting, but I’m still impressed by the baseball guy. His name is Nookie.

Another chef, Keven, (I guess we can’t blame HIM for how his name is spelled) is a total jackass. He said when people started calling him Chef Keven, it became Cheven. THAT is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Should we call President Obama “Presama”?!! Really, really dumb.  Luckily, the slutty chef (I think) calls him out in the taxi and says most men don’t wear their shirts unbuttoned that low. Of course, SHE shouldn’t be talking…

They all meet up with Curtis and Cat at London’s Borough Market. Cat’s hair is straight at the moment and not that smooth looking. (C’mon they promised us curly hair and promoted it like crazy! It has to look good in EVERY shot!)

Curtis tells them they have to divide themselves up into two teams. Really dumb. They’ve haven’t even met yet.

This is how it’ll work. They’ll go to a different international city every week. They’ll “tackle the course”. Race course? Course of study? Dunno. “It’s a race that will immerse (them) in the local food culture.” The first team that finishes “the course” will get some special ingredient which will give them a huge advantage. Then they take over a kitchen and have to cook local food for the locals.

Jerky Keven starts running in one direction and the rest of his team (the red team) follows him, except that he’s gotten them lost. Thai chef/sexy babe turns out to be an infantry instructor for the army. (WHY didn’t she open with that? That’s neat) She rallies the troops and gets them going in a different direction.

The other team (black team) takes a cab and gets to the pub first.

Keven’s team is STILL trying to find the pub and now someone other than Thai chef gal tries looking at the map.

The challenge is to go to 3 pubs and eat and drink certain foods really fast. I’m not sure the after-effects of that are fit for broadcast television.

At the second pub, they have to drink a yard of ale. That’s ale in a glass which appears to be 3 feet high. Ew. If the whole team drinks 3 yards of beer, they don’t have to eat any steak and kidney pie. Both teams opt for the liquid option. (They seem to be swapping quite a lot of saliva after just meeting.)

The two teams arrive at the last pub about 3 minutes apart. They have to eat tons of fish and chips and drink cider. I’m guessing they screened out the chefs with drinking problems, although they probably could develop one after this challenge. 

One team wins, I think it’s Keven’s. (I like how NO ONE is calling him Cheven.)  Each team takes over one of the pubs they went to. They have to cook the 3 dishes they crammed into their mouths, plus two more.

The winning team gets potatoes as their “exceptional ingredient”. The other team gets NO potatoes. This is one of those impossibly hard challenges that proves little, except that the chefs have to the appetites and drinking capabilities of frat boys.

One more thing, THEY vote THEMSELVES off. There are no judges to do the dirty work. The losing team members will choose themselves which member goes home. So they’ve definitely stolen the basic concepts of Amazing Race, Top Chef AND Survivor and mixed them all together.

It is incredible to me how few NEW ideas there are in television, in movies…in anything really. What’s the last really original thing you watched OR tasted? I guess molecular gastronomy was different from what came before.

I just heard Bravo’s Andy Cohen say the idea of the Real Housewives came to him from soap operas and the fact that he was a huge Susan Lucci fan. He wanted to recreate that kind of fantasy life. I’m glad he admits it’s a fantasy.

Both teams pow-wow to decide on their dishes. They shop the next day and then go to their respective pubs to cook. We’re hearing a lot from Sai (formerly showgirl and now tough competitor…in MY mind at least).

Remember what about the kind of training a chef would need for this show (after I had seen only 4 minutes)?  Well, Sai calls herself “a classically trained ASIAN chef”. Bingo! Of course, I meant FRENCH classically trained, and then Asian cooking experience either through ethnicity, travel or actual kitchen time. I’m not really sure what “classically trained ASIAN chef” means.

Keven is convinced his teammates are looking at him as a likely candidate to go home, because he says they know he’ll be such a huge challenge at the end. Umm…that’s not exactly why they think he’s going home. What a numbskull!

They finish cooking and it’s time for service. Sai is doing front of the house duties for her team. When one guy complains that there are no roast Pa-Hate-oh’s (he talks funny), she says it’s MORE HEALTHIER that way and everyone could stand to lose a few pounds. Dummy! Insulting your guests is not the way to get good marks. AND THEN she actually people if they’re missing the regular potato fries. (They served polenta fries.) Don’t bring attention to it, if you don’t have to! (At least, she kept her top on.)

Sai really isn’t too bright. She greets Curtis and Cat’s table and the stunning Nigella is introduced to her. Sai just says Hi Nigella, as if she’s no one. THEN it clicks. OH NIGELLA. HI!

Nigella likes the polenta fries. The food is going well so far. Keven’s bread pudding is fairly popular, but it needs more custard.

It’s the second team’s turn. At least THERE, the front-person (Gary) knows who Nigella is instantly. But there’s a problem with the food. The kidneys are unappetizingly large in the steak and kidney pie. Nigella says this is what people think English food is. Uh-oh that was Nookie’s dish, the baseball guy. They apparently did a ploughman’s sandwich very nicely.

Nigella is disappointed that there is no sweet at the end. One Brit liked the service at the second place, but the food at the other. But Sai being so bad should count against them, shouldn’t it? Keven is bad mouthing the other people on his team to keep the emphasis off of him.

At the end, Curtis’s big job is counting the votes. They’re not really using Curtis and Cat for much, except for standing in front of the chefs saying a few words.

Curtis asks Nookie what he thought about his steak and kidney pie. He said he thought it was okay. Curtis tells him the diners disagreed.

OMG, I just realized that the Red Team is wearing red chef’s jackets and the Black Team is wearing (guess!) black. In my defense, I’ve been looking at the keyboard a lot…

Curtis asks the black team (THAT really was so clever to put them black jackets) if there was a leader. Everyone (except Keven) pipes up and says Chaz. The gals think he’s really funny. The guys find him annoying. (That would make me like him even more…just to get even with Keven. Look how dumb those words look together. )

Curtis asks who made the dessert and who came up with the idea. Keven said he made it and Chaz says it was HIS idea. Keven is mad and tells US that it was HIS idea. But at this point, Keven (I’m calling him Kee-ven) doesn’t know if CURTIS thought it was a good idea, so he’s not saying anything. I’m not paying close enough attention frankly to know what Curtis is thinking.

The winning team is the black team. I suppose we can expect to see more drama from Keven and Chaz. And Curtis reveals that the diners loved the bread pudding, which makes Kee-ven/Keven even madder that he didn’t say anything.

Oh wait, Cat gets a line too! She says they’re picking one chef who they felt made the biggest contribution to the winning team. And it’s…Chaz. Now he has immunity the next week.

The Red Team has to go back and choose a person to vote off. Nookie allows them to say bad stuff about his steak and kidney pie. But then he deflects the attention away from himself and towards Ace Of Cakes Lookalike Gal. Oh, her name is Clara. Nookie should have left Clara alone and targeted the other bad dish from this super quiet Asian chef. The diners didn’t like her black pudding hash. Why are they not putting the chef’s names under their faces? I only know Nookie, Chaz and now Clara.

They go back out and Curtis calls on each of the Red Team chefs to say who they’re voting off. Oy, it’s not even anonymous! Darn, it’ll probably be Nookie. It’s always the one I like and, of course, they showed him a lot.

Gary, the one who was good in the front of the house, chooses Nookie. The quiet Asian girl says Clara. OF COURSE, Clara will say Nookie and Nookie will say Clara. I’m WRONG! Clara said Nicole. (Oh, THAT’S the name of the quiet Asian girl.) Oh goodie, so maybe Nookie will survive. Nookie does say Clara. And Jenna (who’s she?) says Clara.

Sooo Nookie’s little plan worked!!! He says (to us) his dish was the worst and yet Clara went home. Clara had had a little private moment with Nookie where she disclosed her anxiety to him. She feels that screwed her.

Chefs! Don’t be sharing your personal feelings with your competitors. Haven’t you ever watched Survivor? Even I know that and I only watched it a few times like 35 seasons ago…

WHY exactly is this show on the Food Network, aside from giving two of its stars incredibly limited face-time? It has almost nothing to do with cooking. Food is only a distant backdrop for the action, except for maybe the last ten minutes.

Cat says that their next stop is Lyon. If Paul Bocuse is on this weirdo show, then the universe really is askew.

America's Next Great Restaurant Cranks Up The Action And Makes Me Crankier Than Ever

I thought Bobby sounded kind of schoolmarmish last week when he ran through last week’s results and said Fran was eliminated because of “her stubborn nature”.

He had just finished talking about how truly dreadful the other folks’ food was and how they had no clear vision for their restaurants. Then he said Fran got booted because she wouldn’t listen to the investors. “It was Fran’s stubborn nature that ended her dream,” he explained.

I think they should have given Fran another chance and Tater Tot Couple should have been kicked off faster than you can hydrate a potato flake. AND Stir Fry Gal, who didn’t stir fry? She’s a bit of a ninny. Oh well.

You know what I’d really love to see? I’d love to see Bobby ask them to list the 5 Sauces Mère (mother sauces). Béchamel, Velouté, Espagnole or Brown Sauce, Hollandaise and Tomato. (This is the usual agreed-upon list.) Or what is the only pastry which is cooked twice? Choux, first on top of the stove, secondly in the oven. I know that’s another show, but I can dream. 

The other thing that bothers me is that a lot of these restaurant ideas are SO ho-hum. To ME, the first requirement of starting something new is that it be exciting. You have to WANT to go there to be a part of something new and neat and a little different. XIE-XIE, Angelo’s fusion-y sandwich shop is exciting.  His sandwiches are completely delicious and they have a different spin to them. 

Pinkberry, which I have had mixed feelings about in the past, is definitely exciting. What’s cooler than being able to pick a bunch of fun things to heap into your yogurt? That’s why all those do-it-yourself yogurt places are so successful. You can come up with all kinds of crazy combinations yourself. (Of course, it’s not so fun when you find you’ve helped yourself to $17 dollars worth of frozen yogurt and probably 2000 calories, but never mind about that…) 

That’s what I liked about Fran. Her wrap place sounded fun and different. This Stir Fry idea? Not so much. Diet Lawyer Gal? Booorrrinnng. Jerky Wing Guy probably has good food, but he acts like he should just buy a Hooters and be done with it. And sappy sweet Grilled Cheese Guy? Ugh.

The folks meet up at Chipotle. Steve Els explains that their concept is “Food with Integrity”. His father’s original investment of $85,000 has turned into a company worth 4 billion dollars.

This week, the folks have to work the lunchtime crowd at Chipotle. Each one will be in charge of a station. The obnoxious wings guy, not Jamawn, but Alex, says that should be no problem, since he runs a restaurant already and that’s what he does.

Stephenie is overwhelmed by the challenge. Isn’t this what she signed up for??? Isn’t she trying to open her own restaurant? Actually three of them?!! So if THIS is overwhelming…maybe she should go back to the more low-key environment of Harvard Law School.

Steve wants to see leadership as the investors sit back and observe how the contestants do. Basically everyone fails miserably. Good girl, Stephenie, does step up to do a lot of grunt work, but Jamawn yells like a football coach, which doesn’t impress Steve.

Steve is getting increasingly anxious with how badly things are going. He takes over and assembles the food and serves the customers. But REALLY, what exactly did they expect? These would-be restaurateurs had moments to prepare. They were basically set up to fail, so, of course, they were incompetent. Two of them think it’s acceptable to serve Bobby Flay Tater Tots! Believe me, your eleven year old could have done a better job on the line than these folks.

Steve was particularly unimpressed that Marisa was heating tortillas using AN UNPLUGGED-IN TORTILLA WARMER. He grabs the tortilla from her and tosses it in the garbage and says that demonstrates bad judgment. YA THINK?!! She wanted a stir fry restaurant and still hasn’t stir-fried anything and doesn’t have the slightest idea how to do it. I’m surprised she’s gotten this far and can think and speak at the same time. Oh wait, scratch that.

Back at the business center, Steve goes through all the things they did wrong, which was basically everything. Bobby tells Stephenie she could work for him anytime. I have no clue why. He didn’t tell Jamawn not to yell or Marisa to not be a putz.

Bobby moves on to the names of their restaurants. He says Eric can keep Meltworks and, unbelievably, Joey’s Saucy Balls is okay too, because the crowd last week liked those names. Really? 

Everyone else is in for some name revamping. They have to come up with a new slogan and a dish to match it. Then they’ll serve it to 100 people. Jamawn is giving up his wings and waffles concept. DARN! And now he’s going with Soul-Daddy’s, which actually IS a good name and his dishes do sound good. But I wanted some Chicken and Waffles in these here parts.

They tell Marisa she should think about getting rid of her chef. She demurs. They tell Sudhir that he should think about getting rid of his chef. He agrees in one second flat.

Bobby doesn’t like Compleat as the name of Stephenie’s restaurant. She tells us that everyone wanted Steve Els to change the name of Chipotle and he refused, so she’s sticking to her guns. It doesn’t matter what she calls it, it sounds dreadful. 

Sudhir decides to be his own chef and use his new professional chef as his sous-chef.

Greg and Krystal go from the name Hick to Grill Babies, because Bobby told them they should GRILL their food instead of BARBECUE it, because it’s faster. If he told them to serve Lucky Charms, would they do that too?  Marisa is asking every single person what he or she thinks of her food. Not as good sign.

Okay, this is funny. Bobby and Steve come in to make some pronouncement or other as the contestants are cooking. Then Steve points to the back of the room and says, in totally monotone-d voice, “Fire.” It’s Marisa’s chef’s wok – the one she wouldn’t get rid of.

Next is the mini food fair, where the contestants all have their new names and new slogan’s. Some blowhard advertising guy tells the Limbo lady that he really likes her new name of Sinners & Saints – Food for your mood.

Tiffinbox guy, Sudhir, has unhappily changed his name to Spice Coast, Modern Indian – “Eat flavorfully”). I liked Tiffinbox, and it was good way to educate people about what one is. He made an absolutely fantastic sounding grilled samosa with a mango and avocado relish. He had me at samosa. Bobby is worried that because Sudhir has had many other businesses that he may just palm this off, if they give it to him. Sudhir says he turned down a lucrative job offer to do this.

Marisa changed her name to CHAO - The art of the stir fry. I have no idea what that name means. Oh, is she doing an Asian take on “CHOW”, as in grub or food? I guess that must be it. Curtis’s problem is that SHE’S NOT STIR FRYING HER FOOD…AGAIN. Plus it’s not good. Before, I had pangs about calling her a ninny. Now I don’t.

Fusion Taco Alex changed his name to Revolution Tacos with Explore, discover, indulge as the slogan. Ehhh! He serves Curtis and Steve an Asian Pork Wonton Taco. Curtis tells Alex, “I don’t like it.” Curtis tells US, “His tacos are disgusting.” Steve: “It’s mushy.” Alex likes that it melts in his mouth (like an old sponge).

Saint and Sinner lady is serving a Bacon Cheddar Meatloaf OR a Turkey Meatloaf. WHO is going to order the turkey meatloaf??! Lorena says the food is a five out of ten, but she finally understands her idea. This is insane! Who gives a restaurant to someone who doesn’t have FABULOUS food?!!

Jamawn’s Soul Daddy - Cookin with heart and soul (I don’t approve of the lack of an apostrophe after cookin) is serving collard greens with smoked turkey, loaded cornbread and grits. Curtis says the food makes him feel cozy.

Listen to this name and slogan – Meltworks - artisanal ingredients endless possibilities. GMAB! Eric made a black forest ham, gruyere and Jarlsberg grilled cheese with a bunch of crap (apple compote???) inside. Bobby says get rid of the crap (I’m paraphrasing) and serve it with a bunch of dipping sauces. Eric says, “That’s what I was thinking.” You were? Then why didn’t you do it??! What a poser! Another blowhard ad guy says he was disappointed by the fancy schmancy grilled cheese. Go back to selling Tide and how do those guys manage that one day old stubble? And why do they think it looks cool? Do you think this show is making me a bit cranky?

Tater Tots folks are calling themselves Grill Billies – Urban Grill with Southern Attitude. Be the sauce”. OMG! How dumb! Gosh, I dislike them. They have NO point of view. They change like the wind and they seem to have no idea of why they’re there. WHY are they there?

Fran, at least, knew what she wanted. These people are losers, although the female Grill Billie is quite stunning and reminds me of the gal from Sugarland. Steve tells them to get rid of the Be the Sauce part of their slogan. Finally, Girl Grill Billie actually explains the concept nicely - She wants to make southern dishes with a California twist. Why didn’t she just say that? They make a spice rubbed skirt steak with slaw and crispy jalapeno. Steve and Curtis like their dish, but when they ask questions about how they’d go about certain things, the Grill Billies get really confused and answer every which way. Curtis actually tells them he doesn’t think they know what they’re talking about. OY! Get the hook! They turn to their chef afterwards for consolation, who says they should get their stories straight.

For some reason, Joey made turkey meatballs with gorgonzola. Grandma would probably turn over in her grave if she knew Saucy Balls was serving turkey. His Saucy Balls slogan is “Italian Home cooking fresh and fast”. Whatever. That’s neither here nor there; Bobby says it’s not a ground-breaking slogan.

Stephenie is next with Compleat “Flavor you can count on”. She is obsessed with counting calories. She boringly describes her idea to one of the ad guys as serving healthy food, while keeping in mind portion control. Sexeee. Ad guy says he understands it’s healthy, but he doesn’t get a sense that there’s anything delicious here…from her slogan - conscious modern fresh. Bobby and Lorena say she’s not going far enough with both the food and the description of it.

Back to the “business center”, the concept that got the most silver coins from the diners is Soul Daddy.

The investors call in Stephenie first. Bobby tells her to stop looking in her book to count calories. He doesn’t care about that. Concentrate on making healthy, delicious food and the calories will take care of themselves, he’s basically saying. That’s a 180 degree difference from her initial concept of categorizing everything by calorie count. Bobby can’t live with the name of her restaurant. Lorena says she’s missing the soul.  

Next up to defend their concept is Krystal and Greg. OH, THIS IS FUNNY! Bobby asks them what their concept is. And she has memorized a stock phrase so she doesn’t get confused and doesn’t confuse them. “We want to grill a variety of meats as well as serve shared dishes of southern-inspired food.” Think Hal, the robot, as you read that.  Curtis asks them a question and they still can’t answer what dishes they would actually serve. Bobby says he thinks it’s over (for them).

Oh gosh, Marisa is next. Just send them ALL home. Whatever, she’s a moron. Bobby kind of wants to keep her. Curtis doesn’t. They discuss and actually they all give good reasons to send each one home. I want them all to go home, but I hope it’s the grill folks. 

And going home is…Marisa. Steve says (to us) that she probably doesn’t have the judgment necessary to run a restaurant. The others do?

This show is growing on me. Why, I wonder? I guess I must need an outlet for negativity and criticism. There is just so much to object to, so many folks who are so clueless that you just have to wonder…how did they make it this far??! 

I Don’t Think America’s Next Great Restaurant Is Going To Come From “America’s Next Great Restaurant”

But They Mean Well.

I'm not sure I’m particularly in tune with what Bobby, Curtis, Chipotle guy and Lorena (it’s all about the love) Garcia are looking for in America’s Next Great Restaurant.

Last week, Fran was my absolute favorite with her Sports Wrap. I liked everything about her idea and I liked HER. I thought she should skip all this pesky competition stuff and just go straight to the win. Well, that's how much I know. SHE was the very first one kicked off at the end of this episode.

AND boring Greg, who was the absolute opposite of my favorite, WON by collecting the most number of silver coins at a giant food fest, signifying he was the diners’ overall favorite. 

Another least favorite of mine, Stephenie, did well this week too, showing again just how bad I am at predicting winners and losers. Plus if she mentions one more time that she went to Harvard Law School just because she was expected to, I’ll scream. Either shut up about it or go be a lawyer and tell someone who cares. Maybe this is her mother.

The episode did have a bit of drama. The contestants were allowed to pick their own chefs from a whole room of them after chatting for a bit to see who suited whom. There was a bit of pull and push between several competitors, who wanted the same chef. They decided to leave it up to the chefs to choose, which was darn nice of them, but turned out to be darn stupid for Fran. She and Taco Boy (TB) wanted the same chef. TB recognized the chef from a Gordon Ramsey restaurant and sweet-talked her and he got her.

Anyway, the whole chef thing was so random. The Indian guy had to make do with a Scandinavian chef. The only one who was smart about was it was Saucy Balls guy, who yelled into the room, “Who’s passionate about Italian food and loves Goodfellas?"  Basically, "Who knows how to handle Grandma’s balls?” or words to that effect. He ended up with a different chef anyway, but luckily his food turned out well, so the chef obviously knew how to bust out a delicious set of balls.

But wasn’t this a strange way to arrange things? Shouldn’t the chef of an operation be chosen with a little more thought and background than leaving it to a speed dating situation to determine? Go figure.

The folks also got to work with graphic designers. That was weird too. In general, it was more like they were hiring plumbers than experts in logo design.

Their challenge this week was to serve 1000 people (EACH, I think) at Universal Citywalk.

Now here’s something else nonsensical. These folks were supposed to be serving the food that represents their restaurant concept. But for this event, the chicken and waffles guy made gumbo. The stir fry person made a poorly cooked rice dish. The gal and guy team who wanted to serve wonderful Southern cooking on little plates made a TATER TOT CASSEROLE! Not kidding. It didn’t look much better than this one. Completely appalling. THEY should have gone home…just for using the words tater tots.  

Fran went home because her chef was a dunce and precooked all the chicken in advance and it was dried out. Oh, and she completely disregarded anything that the judges had to say, so they didn’t feel she was very teachable. But there hasn’t been much more than platitudes and catchphrases being offered by the “investors”, which matches the lackluster and, in some cases, really poorly conceived food.

But when the tater tot gal tried to explain away her atrocious food with “we mean well”, all I could wonder was what on earth are these people doing here. How can you have a great idea for a restaurant and not be able to make one single dish that illustrates what you’re going to serve? Strange, very strange.

Is “America’s Next Great Restaurant” America’s Next Great Reality Show?

It certainly has some great elements in place, like the becoming Bobby Flay and the comely Curtis Stone. I’m just hoping they’re not going to spend the first few weeks showing us nothing but losers, à la early rounds of American Idol. THAT will be a big time waster.

I will also not be interested if someone wants to start a franchise serving 20 variations of cream of something soup on Minute rice, (even if I DID grow up on that, actually BECAUSE I grew up on that). 

Bobby introduces the show by telling us that in 1952 Harlan Sanders drove "across America, selling his revolutionary chicken frying equipment. Today KFC pulls in 7 billion dollars a year.” Gosh, think of all the health care costs for unhealthy Americans that could have been saved if the colonel had gone bust in the early years. In 1965, Subway is started. And in 1993, Steve Ells opens the first Chipotle with an $85,000 loan from his dad. Now it earns 1.5 billion dollars a year.

Bobby tells us about HIS ventures. 20 years ago he opened his first restaurant. He now has 6 high end and 5 “fast casual” burger places.

The other three judges are Steve Ells, Curtis Stone and Lorena “It’s about the love” Garcia. 

On May 1, 2011, three restaurants will open up in LA, NY and…Minneapolis. Minneapolis? Alrighty then.

This hour they’re knocking 21 of the finalists down to 10. The people have to prepare one dish from their fast casual restaurant concept and serve it to the four investors.

Bobby says the next best casual restaurant has to be affordable and feature quality ingredients. (That last thing is certainly not a requirement for success in this country.)

Joey, sent from central casting to play the cousin of Tony Soprano, intones “This is NOT a dress rehearsal”. He’s going to “bring his A game”. I sure hope we can get all the hackneyed phrases out of the way before we see their restaurant ideas.

Here are the folks, with my instant reactions to them.

I like Fran with the Sports Wrap idea. She would feature healthy sandwich wraps. She’s a former WNBA player (on the first team to win a championship ring) and she’s cool. Okay, I think she should win. We can all go home now.

Joey (from above) does life insurance and estate planning. I don’t want to be so obvious as to say that’s a curious job for a guy who looks like a hit man. Oops, I just did. He says, “My passion is to DO a restaurant.” Out. Oh, his restaurant (of course) would have meatballs.

Sarah - private chef to “A list celebrities”. Eh, who needs that? OUT!

Sudhir – His idea is a Southern Indian Chipotle. I have no idea what that means, but I bet his food is awesome.

Sandy – Short-haired (very short) lady with a DUMB idea - a restaurant called Limbo that has high calorie choices and also their not-so-caloric versions. Who wants that? Every time you go in, you have to fight with your demons??? Am I being “good” today or “bad”? I hate that almost as much as talking about “clean” (and by extension, dirty) food.

Jamawn is next from Detroit, with his Chicken and WAFFLES idea. You pass, you’re in!!! (That isn’t exactly original, especially in Los Angeles, but sign me up.) Oh, it’s chicken WINGS and waffles. Even better.

Super-tanned Jason has developed his own barbecue sauce to go with his burgers and wings. I think he said he already sells it all around the country. Whatever.

Joe has 3 restaurants in Los Angeles called Big Wang’s. Eww. I’m thinking he’s not referring to a Chinese chef. He’s looking to expand his business, he says. He tells one of the other competitors that several of them are doing wings, including “the black guy, of course” pointing at Jamawn.  Okay, then, we have one racist so far.

Chicken and Waffles Guy thinks Joe is a jerk, without even hearing that remark. Also Joe tells Joey his wife is weird for not liking wings. I like Joey better than Joe. OUT!

Joey Meatballs says Joe is over confident. We’re definitely getting the idea that the wingman is a wingnut.

This little chipmunk-voiced blond wants to open a restaurant called SOUPZ. Her inspiration comes from SOUP. She actually said that. Byuh-bye. (BTW, her day job is picking up pet doo-doo. I’m glad THAT wasn’t her inspiration.)

Lawyer Stephenie’s (that’s not MY misspelling) concept is “fixed calorie healthy fast food”. That’s sounds about as exciting as a brain scan. NEXT!

Alex wants to do something new and exciting with tacos. I LOVE IT! He had me at “fusion”. Some his ideas - a Greek Lamb Taco and a Chicken Parmesan Taco.

Marisa’s wok idea is okay, but the name is dumb. NO ONE WANTS TO GO TO A RESTAURANT CALLED "Stir Fry For The Healthy Heart"! Isn’t 99% of this common sense?

Fusion Taco guy is slightly sexist and says Marisa doesn’t belong in a kitchen. She belongs with “a car and a driver”. Just because she gave her restaurant a bad name doesn’t make her a prostitute. In fact, she’d probably have given it a sexier name if that really were her profession.

Bobby tells them and us again that this is the moment of truth. I do NOT like his pink striped tie. Curtis says food made all his dreams come true.

Private chef Sarah's Mac and Cheese Cupcake (How hackneyed is that?) is awful. Chipotle guy says it has the texture of the brown bag it was served in. Bobby says simply that the cupcake is not good. Chipotle guy (let’s make it Chipotle for short) says her concept has too many moving parts.

Bobby says right there and then that they will NOT be investing in her restaurant. She tells us she’ll keep fighting. She’d have to for anyone to like that cupcake.

Blond chipmunk Aimee is annoying. She serves them soup. They can’t believe how bad it is and Bobby spills some on himself. Plus they say that hot soup is not a good idea for warm weather. She hadn’t even thought of that. They deep-six her.

Fran, my number one (and almost only) pick is next. Hers is a Sports and Fitness themed restaurant “that features healthy wraps with organic ingredients.” Now we’re getting somewhere. 

Fran is great, she will definitely go on. She says as soon as you walk into the restaurant, you’ll get high-fived, there will be score boards and a basketball court. You order your sandwich and when your number comes up, “You hear applause”. Heck! I’d go there just to get clapped at! Chipotle says she’s a born leader. They also love that there’s a fitness tip with each sandwich. She is the first entry into the final ten. YES!

Eric from Nashville wants to make grilled cheese sandwiches…not just for himself, but for his wife and their future children. How sweet and sincere, and BOOORRRIIINGGG. He has all the passion of processed American cheese food slices (individually wrapped).

Eric’s restaurant would be called MeltWorks. Great, when it’s bad the headline could read MeltWorks Dissolves, or if things really get bad - MeltWorks Evaporates. Curtis isn’t sure he’d leave his house for a grilled cheese. No decision yet. They think the sandwiches may take too long to make.

Brianne is a weirdo. She unrolls and blows up something, which has NOTHING to do with Café Creativi. (Again, that’s not MY misspelling, just its strange name.) It’s a kids’ left and right brained restaurant. Don’t ask.

Sina – Persian food with his kebab slider. He admits that the American public is probably not interested in this kind of food. The judges admit that they're not interested in investing.

Nam Nam – Vietnamese.  All they had to hear was that the concept involved waiters. Not Investing.

Chic haircut gal’s idea is Pot Belly, serving lots of different pot pies, like cheeseburger pot pie or Phillie cheese steak pot pie. (You know I hate the word POT with savory pies, but I like her idea.) The investors don’t. They think it’s too caloric and heavy, plus she (whoever she is) has no idea about the nutritional content of her dish. NEXT!

Back to Brianne blowing up some plastic structure thing. Bobby says we will NOT be investing in your restaurant. Curtis asks himself, “Why am I doing this? Is this the best that America's got to offer?”

Joey comes in with his meatball idea. Unfortunately, he wants to call it Saucy Balls. Bobby laughs; Curtis grimaces. He serves them Grandma’s meatballs.  “This is the song in my heart,” Joey says. They like him. Curtis says, “I love your balls.” “Can I leave before I start crying?” Joey asks. Bobby: “Simple but well-thought out idea.” “They love my balls,” he tells the other competitors.

Krystal and Greg’s tapas style Hick’s is next. It’s southern comfort food.  The judges taste their banana cream pie with banana chips. They all like it. Chipotle likes it. Bobby wants to know what their relationship is. They say “friends”. Lorena “It’s about the love” Garcia wants to know if they’ve dated. HUH? They admit to it, but Krystal assures them that they aren’t together now, as if that would ruin their chances. (Would you be allowed to ask that on a REAL job interview?) They’re through to the final ten.

Marisa comes next with Wok, Stir Fry For The Healthy Heart. Well, at least she put the word WOK in front of her wonky name. Of course, there are probably 50,000 other places called Wok, but who's counting?

Curtis wants to know if the food will be cooked to order. She says no. NO?!! See what I mean about common sense. It’s OBVIOUSLY a terrible idea. Curtis says that won’t work. She makes it to the final 10??! She DOES have really pretty hair.

Joe, icky Joe, comes up with Lil’ Wang, which is the relaxed version of his Big Wang. Bobby says his wings have to beat everyone else’s wings. He doesn’t make it. That was kind of a big build up for a big bunch of nothing.

Waffle guy goes next with W3’s. Yum!  I do like the food says Chipotle. Bobby asks if he’d be okay if they play with his idea a bit. He’s in! Yeah!

Jason from Lenox, Mass., wants to do burgers and wings. They can’t decide about him. 

They love Sudhir’s The Tiffin Box. When they press him, he agrees to make his menu "10% to 15%" meat-based. Bobby laughs.

Alex’s Hard ‘N Soft Taco Bar is next. He has SEVENTY FIVE taco ideas, crab cake taco, hot wing taco etc. I love the idea, but the name doesn’t do it for me. He tells them the food is fusion, not Mexican. Great idea. If he simplifies the menu, they’ll agree for him to go on. He does agree.

Stephanie, I mean Stephenie, is up with her horrible Calorie Compleat idea. You order the food in certain calorie ranges. It's fine if the calories are displayed in some out of the way place, but, otherwise, forget it. Plus her poor presentation doesn’t help. Lorena “It’s about the love” Garcia likes her. ??? Chipotle too. She goes on to the final 10.

Sandy is back with Limbo, or heaven and hell combined. (I know which one reflects my opinion of her concept.) She says she would have healthy AND “devilish choices” available and you can pick. Do people really want to have crisis of conscience every time they go out to eat? That’s a dreadful idea. Curtis loves it. Really? They all like it? Oh gawd! Chipotle guy is “infectiously enthusiastic”. Those were HIS words. She’s in the top ten. I guess they need a few obvious people to get rid of.

The judges ask boring grilled cheese Eric and Jason, burger and wing guy, to have a cook-off. Eric has to make as many grilled cheese in 15 minutes as possible and Jason has to cook the best burger ever.

Eric and Jason go into the kitchen. Jason cooks and is sweating up a storm. Eww. The judges taste the burgers. Eric has made 29 grilled cheeses in 15 minutes. Curtis says the sandwich looks good.

The two get sent back to “the business center”. The judges discuss.  And they choose Eric, not Jason. Yawn. Ok, fine. I don’t really care. Jason says Bobby is scared of another burger place.

All the finalists end up on a circular set with food stalls all around them. The names of their restaurants are on each stand in lights.  Joey says he’s close to his dream. I do like him okay now, but Fran is my gal.

I also have to admit I like having finalists at the end of week one. It makes me feel like we’re moving right along. But are they picking reality stars or people with decent restaurant concepts? I would imagine the former doesn’t necessarily possess the skill set for the latter. We’ll see how things develop. 

Three Chefs And One Oprah

Oprah did a good job with the three chefs she had on the other day, showing three families how to cook better, cheaper and healthier than their usual diet of takeout or frozen foods.

Cat Cora, Tyler Florence and Curtis Stone (he’s hot – here’s his diary…his TRAVEL diary, sadly) all came up with good strategies and recipes for seven days worth of meals for the different families.

I was appalled at the husband of the family that Curtis visited. After the wife said she was tired of cooking things that people didn’t eat, the husband snarled that her food wasn't good. They looked as if they could use a session with Dr. Phil. My feeling is if someone isn’t happy with the food being served, then he can cook it himself or eat what he brought with him!

Tyler was absolutely adorable. Oprah LOVED it when he called his wife “babe” when he spoke to her in the audience. He talked about the first meal he cooked for her. Unbeknownst to him, she hated duck and was feeding it to his dog under the table. Tyler is really all about his wife and family. He seems genuinely lovely.

All three chefs had one of their dishes ready for Oprah to taste. Tyler’s Barbecue Pork Shoulder with The Ultimate Barbecue Sauce was made in a crockpot. The politically correct term is now slow cooker. I love this idea for a broccoli slaw made with the STEMS of the broccoli. I often stir fry them, but I never thought to make a cole slaw type thing with them.

Curtis had a yummy pizza that O scarfed down.

Cat’s Greek Cinnamon Stewed Chicken was really cost effective, coming in at under 8 dollars.

This was a do-good, feel-good hour of Oprah…except for the surly husband.

Cute Curtis, Adorable Tyler,

Oh, And Ingrid Was There Too

Why can't Top Chef truncate their challenges to less than half an hour, like Oprah did on her latest show? The last half of her show was dedicated to a Sandwich Showdown. 3 viewers competed to come up with winning sandwich entries.

This competition was the aftermath to a feature with Gayle going around the country tasting great sandwiches everywich (get it?) where. I must say she does wrap her mouth (and teeth) around a sandwich in a not at all unattractive way. And that can't be easy.

During the Sandwich Showdown, the 3 contestants were surprised when their favorite celebrity chefs - Curtis, Tyler and Ingrid - came out to help them. They were all warm and wonderful. Yes, Ingrid too.

Curtis was flirtatious, Tyler was a big hugging machine and Ingrid was genuinely enthusiastic with her gal. One of the provisos, which was kind of pointless, was that they had to make a sandwich that they had never made before. Who was going to be the judge of that?

They showed some funny stuff as the teams went shopping at Whole Foods. Ingrid was about to punch out the fish guy for giving all the lobster to Curtis. Curtis was more interested in playing with the melons and dropping things than shopping. Tyler was pretty much on task.

The judges were Oprah, Gayle and Padma. And they only wasted a little time with Gayle doing some very short interviews with the participants as they finished their tasks.

The best part was the chowing-down. Oprah tasted the first sandwich and was starting to rave about how marvelous it was. Then she remembered she was supposed to have a poker face. With her cheeks full of pot roast, she stopped smiling and tried to look serious. It happened with each sandwich.

The actual sandwiches all looked good. It seemed pretty clear it was all up to the chefs and the ladies were just there for the fabulous prize. The winner was to win tons of Kenmore appliances and pots and stuff.

They gave the win to Tyler. (I wasn’t surprised. His WAS awesome.) But then they gave the prize (worth $7000) to EACH of them. There was jubilation all around.

Oprah had Padma explain in technical terms why Tyler won – lots of different flavors in the same sandwich. Oprah and Gayle said they just liked it A LOT.

I like a food show with lots of hugging and mugging. And, Gayle, keep up those jaw stretching exercises. They’re obviously serving you well.

Can Rescue Chef Be Saved?

Rescue Chef with Danny Boome

Fried Chicken Cookoff
Spicy Fried Chicken
Raspberry Iced Tea Punch
Black Bean and Mango Salsa
Sour Cream and Lemon Honey Corn Muffins

There is no question that, Rescue Chef, is an almost exact copy of beloved Tyler’s and hunky Curtis’s shows, but that’s not even the major problem. The biggest issue is that it's simply not well done. The people don’t seem to be in any pressing need of culinary instruction and Danny does little to instruct them.

But on Saturday’s show at least, the recipes themselves may have been reason enough to pay at least a little attention to this athlete/chef. As far as Danny goes, I hate to throw the baby out with the bath water or the recipes out with the bad show.

The initial premise is faulty. Why does someone who cooks regularly against her boyfriend in kitchen challenges need help, anyway? And why is she going to DANNY in particular? And why, oh why, is she asking HIS help making FRIED CHICKEN…almost as ludicrous as his “instruction” of chicken tortillas last week.

There are no real answers to those questions and those no real reason to watch…except one, actually two this time. Two out of the three recipes he made (I'm not counting the dumb iced tea) were actually good, very good, including the fried chicken.

Take a look at this recipe. Spicy Fried Chicken. Danny marinates the chicken in buttermilk and chipotle. I love that idea. He dredges the chicken in equal amounts of flour and cornmeal. That makes it really crunchy. Good thinking. Notice I’m saying HE does this and that, because he still does most of the cooking himself. He also adds WAY TOO MUCH salt. He says TWO tablespoons in the show. The recipe says one tablespoon. Still too much.

I'm not as happy with the Sour Cream and Lemon Honey Corn Muffins. To me, the Indian Head recipe is a classic. It uses equal amounts of flour and cornmeal. Danny’s uses almost 3 times as much cornmeal as flour and again too much salt (2 teaspoons). Plus he uses 1/3 cup of honey. That’s too sweet. A quarter cup is plenty, And does honey even belong in a corn muffin, especially one accompanying fried chicken? The lemon zest (and juice) is weird too.

The last recipe, Black Bean and Mango Salsa, is a real winner. It’s got the standard - black beans, mango and red onion, but Danny takes it up a notch with roasted tomatoes. He adds plenty of cilantro (maybe a bit too much) and lime juice and zest.

Danny should have stopped there, but then he makes Raspberry Iced Tea Punch. I like the fruit macerating part, but Iced Tea WITH Prosecco? Nah, I don’t think so. Leave out the tea and it would be fine, OR leave out the Prosecco.

That’s kind of symbolic of what’s wrong with this show. They should leave out pretending to teach people how to cook and just let Danny cook. Why does everything have to have a gimmick? At least make it one that makes sense.

The only one that needs rescuing on this show is Danny...from the format.

A year ago today…Ina and Jeffrey Sitting In A Tree and…Lifestyles of the Rich and Frying