Food Directives From The Ridiculous To The Inane

Frank Bruni, in this Op-Ed piece in yesterday’s New York Times, reports being told one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard. He was dining at a New York City restaurant with a pricey, multi-coursed menu.

Bruni was served a specter of different (savory?!!) flavored waters with the waiter suggesting that he “make a memory of them.” You HAVE to be kidding me!

Never mind that Bruni described the drinks as “pond runoff” or that they were served lukewarm, which would make a bad situation even more dire, but the worst thing, it seems to me, is that the kitchen wasted so much time actually coming up with and THEN executing this dumb idea.

Bruni writes about all the crazy ways that food is served and the hoops you have to jump through to eat your meal the way the kitchen advises (commands) you to.

Didn’t this all start with molecular gastronomy with the chef telling diners that they had to eat the CO2 frozen shrimp eyeball BEFORE the Mississippi mud foam? Shouldn’t we worry about food that needs such explicit instructions to be palatable?

The only thing I disagree with Bruni about is THIS (although it is guffaw-inducing):

"Diners at the latest hot bistro or trattoria snap loving pictures of everything they eat, seeming to forget that it’s dinner, not “America’s Next Top Chicken Breast.” In New York, even the meatballs have paparazzi."

I’m a visual learner and, when I’m not reading the culinary literary greats, I personally prefer to read about food that I can see. (Of course, one of those exceptions was reading Frank Bruni’s reviews in the NY Times).

As far as tutelage in the WAY to eat, though, people don't need their hands held as they make their way through a menu.

Actually, the only time I think a diner needs instruction is when he or she is one of those people who has to eat one thing at a time and who segregates each item from its neighbor. They have a conniption if different foods meet on the plate. It doesn't matter that it all meets in the stomach, but on the plate, NEVER! Those are the people who need guidance...but from a different kind of professional, not the ones wearing a chef’s hat.

Hold on, Nellie! I just remembered the cheese sandwiches I ate as a kid. The cheese was never allowed to touch the bread. OMG! I’m one of them! I grew out of that long ago, but what possible reason could I have had for doing that? Maybe I just intrinsically knew that the (individually wrapped) cheese (food slices) would taste better when surrounded by turkey. Who knows?

But, really, are the chefs, who issue strict rules about how their food is to be eaten any different from the sick puppies who have to eat things in a specific order? Aren’t they both exhibiting the same desire to have some control over the often chaotic environment of modern life?

And does a fancy chef explaining WHY, WHEN and HOW you have to eat something make it any easier to bear? I personally have a bit of a rebel streak, so if someone tells me to eat something in a specific order, I’m more than likely to do the exact reverse. AND I would never stand for lukewarm water, from a pond or anywhere else.

This And That

Hot Off The Presses

Paula made her usual energetic appearance on the Today Show this morning. She has a new cookbook, which looks like a good one – Southern Cooking Bible. Paula made (or drawled her way through the making of) 3 luscious-looking cakes – Texas Sheet Cake With Chocolate Fudge Frosting, Coconut Cake, Pecan Praline Cheesecake.

How is it that she makes you feel as if you can’t live without these desserts? And, gosh, I love listening to Paula. Her Southern twang gives me a rush (in a good way) without having to ingest one lousy fat-laden or simple carbohydrate-loaded calorie. I just love her. And I’m not the only one. Maxim has named Paula Deen the sexiest chef on television, beating out Padma AND Giada. Yup!!!

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Now THAT’S Customer Service - Steakhouse Renames Itself After Customers

This is cool. All you have to do is to sign this rather lengthy pledge promising to make the New York City Smith and Wollensky your favorite steakhouse and they will name the whole shebang after you…Well, actually, after a different randomly chosen guest each day (between October 3rd and October 31^st). I can’t believe I found out about this so late. The pledge includes just about everything except giving up your first-born, but it’s worth it! They’re changing their big sign in the front AND THE AWNINGS, for goodness sake!

Sign the pledge and make your reservation here.

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Entries accepted until Friday, October 14th for my latest Cookbook Giveaway.

Win a copy of the brand new Simply Fresh by Jeff Morgan.

RULES:

Simply Fresh Cookbook Giveaway contest open until Friday, October 14th, 11:59 pm eastern time.

Enter these ways:

1) Send a comment to this post OR this one, including the words, “Simply Fresh”. (Include your email address, if your name doesn’t link to it.)

2) Send me an email with Simply Fresh Cookbook Giveaway in the subject line to FNMusings@gmail.com.

3) Tweet "Simply Fresh" to me at

http://twitter.com/SueonFood 

Enter as many times as you wish. Each comment, email or tweet counts as one entry. The more times you enter, the greater your chances of winning. Contest open to US residents 18 years old and above.  

What is going on in this picture?

Maybe it will help if I show you another…

Here, let me zoom in a bit.

Doctors, maybe?

Workers in a microchip plant? Bee keepers? Nope. All those guesses are wrong.



That thing in the lower left foreground might help you figure it out.

They are…dumpling makers!

Yup, they’re churning them out as fast as they can make them at the world famous Din Tai Fung in Beijing. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to go to China this time; it was only H who went.

Apparently, Din Tai Fung (I just like saying the name) is world famous and found in many other locations too.

H said that the Hairy Crab Dumpling was the best. It’s filled to the brim (or the dumpling equivalent of a brim) with liquid (and presumably hairy crab too) and it’s boiling hot. So you have to exercise quite a lot of caution when eating it.

He didn’t get any pictures of the dumplings, but other folks have posted lots of pictures and reviews. 美味

Hurricane Irene Update

First things first.

Are you all okay? Did you weather Hurricane Irene safely? It’s heartbreaking to hear about the people who lost their lives. I hope you and your families and friends are all fine.

I was in the middle of writing a post saying things were pretty good in my neck of the woods. There was no water in the basement and only a one tree and a couple of big branches came down. It was quite windy, but we really thought we dodged a bullet. And then the power went out. That was Sunday afternoon. It came back on all around us fairly quickly, but my immediate neighbors and I weren’t so lucky. Ours was off for 37 hours and 28 minutes, which, I admit, felt at times like 37 days. It came back on at 3:40 this morning. I was never so happy to be shocked awake by bright lights. (My father, with lights on a different state, suggested that next time we should really pay our bill on time.)

Now that we have power, I know how lucky we really were. There was massive flooding all over Central New Jersey.  The stories that I’ve been listening to on local radio are really grim. And the situation in Vermont, where we were a few weeks ago for such a
happy occasion, is truly tragic.  

East Coasters, how do you think your officials handled things? Our blustering governor is certainly not everyone’s cup of tea, but I suppose natural disasters require straight talk. Our local town officials were superb. Thank goodness for Twitter and some wonderful local bloggers, who gathered this area's information and posted throughout the weekend. Our local Police Department has a wonderful tweetster or two, who is still tweeting useful information. That’s where we learned we could go to our local high school to recharge our phones yesterday. We had been sitting in the car charging things before that.

I know we also averted another disaster on Saturday night in the form of a tornado. We had a tornado warning after 11 pm, as millions of you did. A “warning” is the bad one you’re supposed to worry about. (A tornado WATCH should just make you feel vaguely uneasy.) We still had power, so I was following the storm on the local news. I went into the basement, but I won’t mention the family member who didn’t. (Oh, I just did.) He just went back to sleep after saying that if he heard a freight train, he’d be right down. I did implore him to join me, because I thought it would be really awkward if only I survived, but no dice. Luckily, 18 minutes later, when the warning was over, I emerged unscathed and H was snoring.

Okay, back to cleaning out the fridge. The dairy and meat were easy calls, but the half-used jars of hoisin sauce and bottles of Rose’s lime juice are tough. I suppose I’ll chuck it all.

One more thing, The Red Cross is always there in these emergencies. To learn more about what they do and get or give help, click here. 

Don’t Get Scared, Get Prepared

This is what our insurance company sent out. It does sound a bit dramatic, but I’d rather be over-prepared. The beach is 45 minutes away, so I’m hoping a lot of this is just being super-cautious.

Hurricane preparedness checklist

Preparing for hurricanes can be the difference between minor damage and catastrophic loss. The following information is intended to guide you in your preparation

• Create a Disaster Plan. Plan an evacuation route in advance and determine where you would go if you need to evacuate.
• Prepare a survival kit. Stock up on drinking water, non-perishable goods, a first-aid kit and medicine for everyone including your pet. Include extra clothing, blankets, batteries, flashlights and a portable radio
• Conduct a Home Hazard Hunt and make your home as safe as possible. Secure all objects such as garbage cans and lawn furniture. Bring potted plants, mobile grills and any free standing, lightweight items indoors. Be sure all awnings are closed and secured. Tie down any other loose items that may become projectiles in a high wind.
• Review how to shut off utilities in an emergency with all family members.
• Make sure you have insurance policies with claim contact information, an inventory of your home’s contents, and cash.
• Exterior Drains. Clear rain gutters and ground level drains of any debris to avoid water backing up.
• Windows and Doors. If your home is equipped with shutters or panels, now is the time to use them. If you do not have shutters, close and lock windows and doors to minimize the chance of them blowing open, or of water being blown through gaps.
• Move Furniture and Household Fixtures. Move them away from exterior door and window openings. If possible, elevate these items and cover them with plastic.
• Secure Household Appliances. Appliances, including personal computers, should be unplugged and stored away in cabinets or interior closets.
• Test and Refuel Your Backup Generator. If you have installed a gas-powered generator as a backup power supply in your home, regularly test it to ensure that t is operational at the time you need it. When a storm approaches, run another quick test and make sure that plenty of fuel is available.
• Stay Aware. Stay tuned to weather advisories and evacuation notices. Also, know your community’s hurricane safety plan and develop a family emergency evacuation plan. Follow official notifications for a safe return home following an evacuation.

To recap, these are the things I’ll be bringing inside:

Garbage cans

Hoses

Outdoor Chairs

Flower pots

Welcome Mat

Other precautions:

Locate flashlights with batteries

Fill car with gas

Charge cellphones, which may not work

Charge computers

(I hope you have unclogged gutters. I do, as of 7 minutes ago.)

As for food supplies, have 3 days of water on hand (1 gallon per person/per day is what the Red Cross says).

If you don’t have a normally well-stocked pantry, I would get:

• 2 To 3 Loaves Of Bread
• Peanut Butter
• Jam (Jelly Is Awful)
• Tuna (I’m advising my 20-something son to get tuna in bags. If there’s no water, he doesn’t want to be dealing with opening and draining a CAN of tuna fish.)
• Canned or boxed soup, that isn’t dreadful at room temperature
• Balsamic and white wine vinegar - to add to the soup to jazz it up. (You’d be surprised how much brightness a bit of vinegar can add.)
• Chocolate-Covered Oreos. (That’s not on the Red Cross list.)
• Red Wine (for its room temperature drinkability, of course)

I would also look for any other easily-opened canned food that can eaten unwarmed, if necessary. And take today to bake something wonderful that can be held at room temperature - cookies, coffee cake, muffins.

More information here.

I hope you have someone warm and wonderful to ride out the storm with (OR TO EVACUATE WITH, if that's what you're instructed to do). H has already told me there will be no board games. >:-(  But if he wants me to jazz up his canned chili with vinegar, he better be ready to play this. Or I may not tell him where those Oreos are…)

Stay safe!

Black Forest S'Mores And People Say The Darnedest Things

I recently discovered that someone near and dear to me had no clue what S’MORES were. Really! He (or she…no names) was reading the paper one day and asked me, “What are s’mores?” I couldn’t believe it.

After I picked myself up off the floor, I described them (as I would to an alien from outer space). I said they were two graham cracker squares, sandwiched with a melted marshmallow and a few sections of a Hershey bar.

That still didn’t ring a bell with H(usband)…Oh, SORRY, I mean the anonymous snack amateur. I said that Girl Scouts make them at camp (hence the inclusion of that word in the article he was reading). They toast the marshmallows and let the heat from them melt the chocolate, which makes the two graham cracker halves stick together.

His lack of knowledge about s’mores is all the more galling, because it’s not as if I haven’t written about them before. Last year, on National S’more Day, I posted several yummy sweet AND savory recipes. And a year before that, I invented (that’s a bit strong)…I DEVELOPED a cross between a whoopie pie and a s’more, which was an improvement on each of them (if I do say so myself).

The strange thing is that soon after this whole discussion, I found THESE in the store:

It’s amazing that it took until 2011 for some genius(es) to think of this. Of course, pillow-shaped marshmallows are perfect for s’mores!!! What a great country this is!

I couldn’t let the discovery of these brilliant marshmallows go by without making another variation on s’mores.

I call these Black Forest S’mores, but you could just as easily call them BLACK TIE S’mores, because they’re awfully fancy. I used Dove's Dark Chocolate Promises. (They're so good, they don't need that hokey name.)

First you melt the chocolate...(If you're using good quality dark chocolate, melt it before you add marshmallows.) This picture is after 30 seconds in the microwave.

Then to make them BLACK FOREST S'mores, I added a bit of cherry preserves. (These were homemade and easily made.)

Next I topped them with the marshmallows and then zapped them.

And, to finish, I covered them with chocolate-enhanced graham cracker squares.

Black Forest S’mores (makes 2)

Printable recipe here

2 rectangles of graham crackers

2 tbls. chocolate chips

Optional: 1/2 tsp. solid vegetable shortening*

2 individually wrapped Dove “promises” dark chocolate pieces

2 marshmallows

2 spoonfuls cherry preserves

Break graham crackers (carefully) into 4 squares. (I find that the hardest part.)

Prepare graham cracker tops first. Place two of the squares on wax paper. Melt chocolate chips and shortening, if using, in a small bowl in the microwave for about 45 seconds. Stir until completely smooth.

Using a fork, drizzle the chocolate diagonally over the graham crackers. Hold the fork high and start drizzling before you get to the graham crackers, so any large drips go on the waxed paper and not the graham cracker.

Place 1 piece of Dove chocolate on each of the remaining graham cracker squares. Microwave for 30 seconds. (If using chocolate chips, 10 seconds should do it.) Add 1 spoonful of cherry preserves in the middle and top with a marshmallow. Microwave for 10 seconds or until marshmallows puff up. Cover with chocolate drizzled graham cracker squares. Serve immediately.

*Yes, I mean Crisco. You don’t have to use it, but it makes the chocolate much easier to drizzle across the graham cracker. (I also add it when I’m dipping strawberries.)

For Quick Homemade Cherry Preserves:

Wash and stem cherries. Put a single layer, tightly packed, in whatever heavy-bottomed pot you want to use. The bigger the pot, the more cherries you can jam in. Add as little water as you can get away with, barely covering the bottom. Sprinkle in TONS of cinnamon, perhaps an entire tablespoon or more, really a lot! Stir and bring to a simmer, cover, turn to low and let cook for 15 minutes, stirring once or twice. Stir really well and cook for another 15 minutes, stirring once or twice.

If you were timid and added too much liquid at the beginning, uncover and simmer gently until the cherries are barely covered in a sweet glaze. Let sit in the pot until cool. Stir in a good spoonful of lemon juice. Place in a jar, cover and refrigerate. They’ll keep for a week or two, or freeze.

Note: A spoonful of brandy, added after you take the cherries off the heat to cool, would be a delightful addition. If, however, you’re using them for this s’mores recipe, then maybe hold off on the alcohol.

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PS I just encountered some unexpected controversy. I was telling a (librarian) friend about this recipe and I pronounced s’mores the way I always have – SUH-Mores. She looked aghast and said, “It’s SMORES!!!” I said there’s an accent, which indicates a minute break in the first sound, before you get to the second. She immediately called over two more librarian types, who confirmed that it was SMORES, without the second syllable. I was astounded. I ran home to check even more.

Dictionary.com was just gross. No marshmallow treats there, just this:

Smore\, v. t. To smother. See Smoor. [Obs.]

Some dying vomit blood, and some were smored. --Du Bartas.

Merriam-Webster was more on the ball. Their audio guide very clearly said "SMORE", with nary an “UH” in there. Too bad...I still feel funny saying it the “right” way.

However you say it, the recipe still hits the spot of a sweet, crunchy, chocolatey and gooey snack. And I think MY pronunciation hits the mark much more accurately of what your first reaction is after tasting one – I want SOME MORE.

Afternote: After all this, I asked H what he thought of the s'mores. He paused and then said, "I don't think I like marshmallows." Oy!

Giada Cooks For A (Future) King

Wills and Kate arrived in Los Angeles today. Tomorrow they are lunching at the Santa Barbara Polo & Racquet Club with 3598 of their closest (new) friends. Actually, KATE will be lunching while Prince William plays in a charity polo match, which will benefit The American Friends of The Foundation of Prince William and Prince Harry.

Giada was chosen to plan the menu for this benefit event and, actually, she was onboard before she even knew that the Royals were coming. It’s particularly exciting that this is the one event on the couple's California itinerary open to the public, although ticketing is closed now. For $4000, you could meet and eat with the royals in a special VIP section. $400 would have bought you general access to the event.

I can only imagine how daunting it must have been for Giada to plan the menu after she found out who the special guests were. Here she is on The Today Show talking about the gig.

This is what she’s serving:

- Pea Pesto Crostini, featuring puréed peas on toast, topped with half a cherry tomato

- California Chopped Salad with a mix of grilled lettuces, grilled corn, grilled shrimp, zucchini and crispy tortillas in a light lemon dressing

- Chicken Milanese, breaded chicken cutlets in a creamy tomato fennel sauce

I have a couple of reservations about some of her choices.

I like the idea of the Pea Pesto. That’s inventive and could be quite tasty, but, why oh why, does it have to be served on crostini? I’ve written before about how I hate the idea of eating bruschetta (OR crostini…same difference) in a public setting. 

First of all, the topping can fall off easily, especially if it’s the ubiquitous chopped tomato. This Pea Pesto will stick better, but gravity could still have its way with the little bits on top of the bread.  How elegant is that for a Prince or Princess to have to deal with? And even worse, there's still the nasty chomping required to bite a piece of crusty bread in half. If you’re being introduced to a Prince or Princess, do you really want to be seen biting an ungainly chunk of food and worrying that you’ll get some schmutz on your own (or someone else’s) finery?

If Giada wanted to go with the pea theme, why couldn’t she have topped tiny (one bite) tarts with Pea Pesto? Or offered a pea soup (remember mine for Cynthia?) in little shot glasses? And if she was so desperate to make crostini, she could have chopped them up into croutons and put them in the pea soup.

I love the sound of the California Chopped Salad with all the local grilled ingredients. Plus a chopped salad is particularly easy to eat when you’re with folks you want to impress. (It’s one of the few things that I’ve advised my table manners-challenged son he would be safe ordering during a job interview meal. Obviously no soup, no spaghetti, no large pieces of animal protein that require proper handling of a knife and fork and no burp-producing beverages should be ordered.)

Anyway, back to reality, I mean royalty, I’m interested in why Giada thought of serving Chicken Milanese. It’s kind of a throwback dish and doesn’t really say southern California or young, hip royalty. Is it possible she was told they don’t like exotic foods?

There are so many other roads she could have taken. She could have served Smoked & Braised Natural Short Ribs with preserved meyer-lemon spinach and smokey jus OR Grilled Gulf Prawns with crispy garlic, basil, orange & calabrian chili dressing and heirloom toscanelli white beans OR Wild Sea Scallops with capers, grapes, parsnips and a rosemary brown butter sauce.

Okay, that’s cheating. I’m just reciting from Michael Chiarello’s Bottega menu. To me, his dishes just sound more important. (This is funny. MC serves his Garlic & Calabrian Chili Roasted Dungeness Crab with BRUSCHETTA. But I don’t object to that, because you’re sitting down with a knife and a fork to tackle it, not eating while on the fly.)

But this isn’t a restaurant. It’s a luncheon at a polo match and I’m sure there are plenty of limitations imposed by the space and conditions. I have no doubt that Giada will do fabulously tomorrow. She’ll look gorgeous; she’ll represent our American persona with grace and congeniality; and Kate and Will will love the food (or act as if they do).

But one last question – what’s for dessert?

Kobayashi Breaks Joey Chestnut’s World Record - Unofficially

There’s a big postscript to my post about the latest hot dog championship.

Beleaguered pro-eater Takeru Kobayashi changed history again in a non-Major League Eating sanctioned event, where he managed to keep down SIXTY NINE hot dogs and buns. That beats Joey Chestnut’s world record of 68, as well as Chestnut’s latest result of 62 hot dogs and buns this afternoon in Coney Island.

Kobayashi, who brought world attention to tournament eating and has won the Nathan’s event 6 times, held his own event today and has been feuding with the Major League Eating organization over the “slave contracts” (Kobayashi’s words) that they have been requiring participants to sign. 

In a particular distasteful incident, Major League Eating PAINTED OVER Kobayashi’s face in a mural depicting eating tournament history. That’s pretty low.

Where today’s gustatory guerilla action will take Kobayashi, no one knows. But you have to admire a person who fights through 69 hot dogs (and buns) with no mustard-colored champion’s belt at stake, just for the pure glory of it. 

Joey Chestnut Triumphs At Hot Dog Fest While The First-Ever Women’s Competition Is Covered In A 3 Minute Wrap-Up

Happy Fourth of July! And as any fan of competitive eating knows, today is the 96th annual Nathan’s Hot Dog contest, otherwise know as "A Battle of the Ages" or "The Mount Sinai of Mastication", held in Brooklyn, New York’s Coney Island.

New this year is a women’s bracket for the famous hot dog eating competition. In a pre”game” interview, George Shea of Major League Eating called the female competitors “the Suffragettes of the Stomach”.

This is a big day in the history of gender equality. The women wanted a women’s-only competition and they got it, although many of its entrants can hold their own against the men.

But, why oh why, was coverage of the women’s event limited to a 3 minute segment? The ladies were described as the “greatest gurgitators” of the world by Espn reporter, Renee Herlocker. (What an unlikely name for a female sports reporter.) She told us of the rivalry between the great “Black Widow” of the “sport”, Sonja Thomas (all 105 pounds of her) and Juliet Lee, “Lovely Juliet Lee”.

The 9 women entrants had to eat more than 20 hot dogs to qualify.

One of the (male) anchors said the women on stage seemed “more like a Junior League meeting than Major League eating.”

What the hamburger?!@#$%@? If that’s not a smarmy downplaying of the ladies’ considerable accomplishments, I don’t know what is!

The results (as reported a half hour after the competition finished):

Juliet took the lead early on. One of the anchors remarked that she might have pulled a “Pippa” and upstaged the Princess of Coney Island, Sonja.

But it was not to be. The Black Widow triumphed, as she has so many times before, by ingesting (I don’t call what she just did “eating”) FORTY hot dogs. (She did NOT, however, break her own record of 41.) Juliet Lee and Stephanie Torres tied for second by downing 29 hot dogs AND buns each.

When asked if she was going to be hungry tonight, Sonja said, “Oh yeah! Right now I’m full of hot dogs, but I can eat something else later on.” I love her optimism!

Then on to the men’s competition, which was obviously the main event, as evidenced by the amount of coverage it got in comparison to the gals.

Here are the rules for those who unwisely want to try this home:

Competitors must eat hot dog and bun

10 minute time limit

Dunking may not exceed 5 seconds

Automatic DQ for “reversal of fortune”

There’s one more thing. A yellow card can be issued for “messy eating”. I have no clue what that means. Actually, the whole thing looks so messy that I have to admit I have to look away and just listen to the commentary. It’s way too gross to actually watch.

Oh, as far as trying this at home. Major League Eating strongly discourages that and has a special message on its website for those who might try it:

Safety is the first consideration in any sport, and MLE insists that all sanctioned competitive eating matches take place in a controlled environment with proper safety measures in place.

MLE will not sanction or promote any events that do not adhere to proper safety regulations and the league believes that speed eating is only suitable for those 18 years of age or older and only in a controlled environment with appropriate rules and with an emergency medical technician present.

MLE strongly opposes and discourages home training of any kind. MLE also strongly discourages younger individuals from eating for speed or quantity under any circumstances. MLE urges all interested parties to become involved in sanctioned events -- do not try speed eating (at) home.

Hmm, maybe if an “emergency medical technician” is needed for this event, one might rethink participating in it. But this is America, land of the greedy and home of the gluttonous (and I mean that in the best possible way), so what better place to watch Joey Chestnut defend his title?

The contest starts with lengthy video packages about the main contenders. They finally get to it and Joey Chestnut takes the win again with 62 dogs. (In 10 minutes!!!) Was it a good idea, do you think, to have a Prilosec commercial for getting rid of heartburn IMMEDIATELY following the win?

Pat Bertoletti came in second with 53 and Tim Jones followed with 45 dogs and buns. Significant achievements, certainly…

This was Joey’s 5th win of the champion’s mustard belt. Holding a bottle of Pepto Bismal (I guess Prilosec didn’t contribute the really big bucks) and his winner’s belt, Joey said the humid conditions didn’t affect him. And with a kiss of the pink bottle, we are left to wait until next year for another brush with jingoistic, gurgitating greatness.