Top Chef Texas - Is It Bigger And Better?

It’s interesting to remember various Top Chef contestants when they were newcomers - Richard Blais, Carla Hall, Fabio Viviani and Spike Mendelsohn, for example. We can say we knew them when. And it’s not just the winners we recall. Richard is actually the only winner in that group I listed and it took him competing in Top Chef All Stars to win the crown. Spike has already been eliminated in his effort to become the next Iron Chef. Carla is finding her way on The Chew and Fabio is all over the place, including here. Many Top Chef chefs have gone on to, if not culinary greatness, momentary stardom either on television or through their other projects.

And who can forget the Voltaggio brothers? As unlikable as I found them for much of their season, they really could cook. I’m a little hesitant to admit I caught them on MTV recently, promoting their new cookbook. The host was a culinary moron (actually, just a moron in general) and so they were at a gross disadvantage explaining to her the crazy stuff they were cooking – clams that looked like spaghetti, freeze-dried something or other. They came off as coming from Mars…with their food not far behind. 

I really think what someone wants in a cookbook is to get some idea of how to cook REAL FOOD, not pellets of stuff or stuff that you have to guess if it’s even food. And, PS, for some reason, Amazon isn’t selling their cookbook at the moment because “customers have told us there may be something wrong with our inventory of the item, the way we are shipping it, or the way it's described here…We're working to fix the problem as quickly as possible.” Strange.

Anyhoo, a new season of Top Chef (in Texas) began last week and I’m looking at these chefs with an eye to seeing if they have staying power. I seem to be the worst judge of this, because typically my favorite is gone in the first few weeks. I can’t recall ever choosing the winner in the early days and, even later on, it seems as if the producers always manage to throw a wrench into the works. All of a sudden, my top choice, Dale is gone, or Jennifer is eliminated and we’re left, in some cases, completely mystified by the choice of winner.

So here we go and this won’t be an easy season to predict, even if I were good at it. Because we're in Texas, they've super-sized the number of contestants and THIRTY chefs arrive at the Alamo. 

Padma looks stunning in a strapless, flowing red dress that is blowing ever so gently in the hot San Antonio breeze. She looks as cool as a marble statue. She explains that the 30 chefs will be competing for 16 spots. One guy and one gal are really po’ed that they’re not already in the top 16. I wonder if they all told their families, friends and colleagues that they were going to be on Top Chef and now they could be eliminated in the first 15 minutes. That would stink.

The chefs go into the kitchen and they are greeted by judges Tom and Emeril (new this season…cool!). Both are wearing whiter-than-white chefs' whites. They almost look like naval officers. (WHY Tide doesn’t sponsor the show is a mystery.)

Tom does his usual smirk as he introduces Emeril. Emeril tries to sound serious, but he does let a little smile escape as he tells them the challenge.

Oy, Tom says he wants to hear a little about each chef. (There are thirty of them!) Is this their way of giving each of them a tiny bit of face time, since so many will be chopped in this episode? Oh, we’re only hearing from a group of 10 now. They have to choose (or fight over) which cut of pork they want to cook of the ten that are sitting on the table. They also have to butcher the meat themselves. Emeril and Tom will be walking around watching them butcher and cook.

I don’t like this full-of-himself Tyler guy. I do like that Tom and Emeril hated the way Tyler butchered the meat. Oh my, Tom hated it SO much that he kicked him off immediately…before he even started cooking. He was supposedly cutting the tenderloin for another chef, Grace, and she was left with a 3 ounce piece of meat. Will she be gone too for not taking control of her own ingredient?

Okay, let’s see. Tom asks Grace why she allowed Tyler to hack away at her meat like that. She said she thought it would buy her some extra time. Tom said it’s a mistake to make assumptions about your competitors. He doesn’t send her home for some reason.

Colin runs out of time and, as he pours his soup into little containers, he spills and splatters it all over the plate. Tom and Emeril take one look and HE’S gone. They don’t even taste it.

Padma explains that the majority rules in deciding who goes and who stays. 2 out of 3 of the judges have to agree that they should stay. (Finally, Padma is being treated as a full-fledged judge.) If the judges can't decide, the chef has to compete in another challenge. Chris is THRILLED to get one of the 16 coats. Sarah who works at Spiaggia for Tony Mantuano is the second chef chosen. She made pig skin into a fantastic (so they said) sausage.

Tenderloin gal Grayson is nervous. She and ship cook Molly are “on the bubble” and have to cook again.

I like Chef Heather saying, “This is it, you’re showing all your cards. You have one moment to prove to the judges that THIS is why you deserve to be here.” That’s Top Chef in a nutshell. That’s why it can be so heartbreaking, when you have a momentary lapse which can change everything.

Nyesha has worked for Robuchon. Is it possible that she won’t get past this initial round? Don’t think so. They love her pork shoulder. She’s through. Emeril says it’s incredibly balanced and Padma says it’s beautiful.

Articulate Heather giggles as she learns she is through to the next round. Self-taught Simon‘s dish is overcooked and there’s too much going on. Sous-chef Richie makes it. Emeril says his dish had depth.

Oh no, we have to go through all of this again with group two. This time it’s Gail who is judging and we have to hear the chefs’ introductions for this group too. 

One amusing thing. Keith Rhodes is giving his credentials and going on a bit longer than the others. Then he says he’s a 2011 Southeastern James Beard Best Chef of the Year…Pause…NOMINEE. That reminds me of Dwight calling himself Assistant Manager and Michael always correcting him by saying he was Assistant TO the Manager. Funny.

In the second group, all the chefs have to agree on ONE ingredient from a table with lots of good stuff on it and they have to each cook the SAME ingredient. They go with the rabbit.

This is what we learn: Keith spent time in prison for drugs, but now cooking is super important to him. Some gal chef thinks she’s got an edge because she’s putting chocolate in her rabbit dish. Nina cooks at a gastropub and Tom taunts her a little bit saying the other chefs have more experience than she does. (She didn’t even have time to get the rabbit on the plate. She’s the first in this group to be given the boot.)

Keith makes it. I think they like his story as well.

Oh gosh, we have ONE MORE GROUP. Who did the chocolate dish? Dakota gets a coat. Ty-Lor (???) gets one too. And cute guy Chris from LA is one of the first 16.

Some other gal (names please!) is mad because she forgot the sauce and so they put her in the bubble to cook again. The four, who have to go on to another round, decide it’s because none of them has visibly huge tattoos.

That’s it for week one. Keith is the only name I remember, so I guess I’m raring for him to go further. I don’t mind the way they changed it up with more chefs competing for the 16 spots. But I do wish they displayed everyone’s name more frequently. And as far as who will be the star of this series of Top Chef...The twist with thirty chefs at the start gives me a much greater opportunity to be wrong for far longer than when they just got right down to it.

Top Chef DC Finale – The Winner Is Revealed And I'm Sick Of Angelo

No blow by blow this week. So many weeks I tell myself that and then I always go back to chronicling the entire episode. For once, I want to post this in a timely fashion.

Kevin was proclaimed the winner of Top Chef last night. I was happy with that. I admit that I was rooting for Kevin at the beginning because he was a local boy, but he also did a great job...most of the time.

I think of him as a working chef. His parents had a pastry shop, his wife is a pastry chef, he has worked in restaurants a long time. (AND he’s only 31!)

I also like that Kevin’s a regular kind of guy, not flashy, who turns his plates into works of art. Remember his Roasted Halibut? And Frank Bruni saying he should paint? If you look back at his food, it had a delicacy in taste and presentation. Here are a few of his past dishes:

Episode 1 - Boneless Chicken Wing With Hot And Sour Broth Tomatoes Fennel Potato And Mushroom; Pennsylvania Lamb, Meyer Lemon-Pistachio Marmalade, Spring Onions

Episode 5 - Blue Crab Chowder with Potato, Celery & Espelette Oil, Frozen Bacon Crumble

Episode 6 - Tuna & Veal with Mediterranean Condiments

Episode 8 - Curried Chicken with Leek & Parsnip Puree, Lentils & Cucumber-Mango Salad; Braised Chicken with Chickpeas, Cucumber-Mint Salad & Yogurt

When we left the chefs last week, they didn’t know why they were being called back in front of the judges. It was to tell them that three former Top Chefs were going to be their sous chefs. By the draw of knives, Kevin was paired with Michael Voltaggio, with whom he had worked previously. Angelo was very happy about getting Hung and Ed got Ilan, about whom he knew nothing except that he had been a Top Chef.

I didn’t feel as if we saw that much cooking during the episode or even the thought process behind what they cooked. Their instruction was to cook the best 4 course meal of their lives. And they had to cook the same courses, using the same proteins, which I thought was a good idea. They had to make a vegetable first course, a fish course, a meat course and DESSERT. Gail made the point that they HAD to make dessert. (Kevin had no issue with that. Ed did.)

Tom made kind of a big deal of the fact that he and Eric were going to the market SUPER early to pick out their proteins for them. Whoop-dee-doo.

The episode was supposed to take on tons of drama when Angelo got sick and there was some question about whether he would be able to compete. THAT’S why we saw so little cooking. We had to waste all this time watching Angelo thrash around in bed with his arm draped dramatically over his head.

When the doctor - straight out of central casting - came in and said, “And you are?” it really was too much. Do I think they make the whole thing up and Angelo wasn’t really sick? Honestly, it kind of felt that way.

The only part that seemed authentic was when Angelo looked up at the doctor and said, rather pathetically, “So I can’t cook tomorrow?” It actually seemed as if he were using his “illness” as a way to weasel out of having to cook in the finale.

He just seemed so wimpy and whiney. I’m sorry, but get a grip. Even though Ed was acting kind of jerky throughout, he wasn’t wrong when he said for that $125,000, he would get out of his sick bed.

BTW, why in goodness name does the winner of Big Brother win $500,000 and the winner of Master Chef win $250,000 and the Top Chef “only” gets $125,000? I guess Bravo isn’t Fox or CBS.

It was so irritating to have to watch ailing Angelo, instead of seeing Kevin sous-vide his duck or Ed stuff his duck neck. (I’m not being rude. He PREPARED a duck neck which he stuffed with forcemeat.) Meanwhile, Angelo was allowed to communicate with Hung by cellphone and have him do all his shopping and prep.

Angelo recovered just in time, which made the whole thing look even more fake and he got into the kitchen to finish cooking what Hung started. Because they took all this time with sick-bed drama, we saw no real putting-together of the recipes.

IF Angelo had even come close to winning, that would have been 100% unfair to Ed and Kevin, because Hung appeared to be an equal partner, if not even more, in the preparation of the dishes.

I’m really over Angelo, I’m sorry to say. I thought he was awesome (as a chef) early in the season, but whether his illness was real or not, in this episode he just seemed like a lily-livered weakling. Oy, maybe I’m tough, but really!

The whole episode also seemed rushed and poorly edited. The best example of this was when the whole meal had been served and the chefs were back at the judge’s table. It seemed like the judges didn’t want to bother going through ALL the dishes in ALL the courses.

They hurried through asking each chef about only one or two of his dishes. It was weird and they skipped all over the menu. They asked Angelo about his fish and meat course. They mentioned Ed’s meat course and dessert and they only questioned Kevin on three of his courses. Why? It was as if they’d been told to keep this part down to 4 minutes.

Plus the guest diners, various food experts, including Susan Feniger and David Chang, seemed more invested in the dishes than the actual judges. After tasting Kevin’s dessert, one said, “He just created our national dessert.”

This is what Kevin cooked to win:

Eggplant, Zucchini, and Pepper Terrine, Tomatoes, Jalapeños, and Sweet Soy Reduction with Ginger Oil

Rouget, Cuttlefish Noodles, Pork Belly, Cockles, Slipper Lobster and Cigala

Roasted Duck Breast with Duck Dumpling, Caramelized Bok Choy & Coriander Sauce

Frozen Singapore Sling with Tropical Fruits

There were a few noteworthy remarks from the Judges’ Table. I liked the discussion of Angelo’s cherry purée with the meat course. He made Sautéed Duck Breast & Foie Gras with Marshmallow, Daikon-Ginger Salad & a Tart Cherry Shooter.

Padma asked Angelo why he called the cherry purée a palate cleanser, “because it coated every corner of my mouth”. He says she should have gone back to the salad which would have then been “crisp and refreshing” and THEN she should have worked her “way back again”. Tom offers, “I don’t think dishes should come with so much instruction.”

I also liked it when Tom gave Ed a hard time about his basically couldn’t-be-bothered-to-make-a-decent-one dessert. Tom said he could get a dessert like that at home. In fact, ED didn’t even make it, his sous chef, Ilan, did. One of the guest diners described it as an “f___ you" dessert. Even though, Ed’s cooking was okay this week (what they left time to show), he's been such a jackass the past couple of weeks that I can’t be too sorry that he didn’t win.

The part that was very quick, BUT was okay, was when they announced the winner. The three chefs came back in and they have a brief wrap-up of what a great season it was. Then Padma says, "Kevin..." leaving him and us to think he was being dismissed. THEN she says suddenly, "YOU ARE TOP CHEF". He was so taken aback that he said, "I AM?!!"

I don’t think Kevin won just by chance or by accident. He clearly cooked the best meal that night, which I’ve never liked as the sole criterion of a win. But I think he kept getting better and better and then he picked exactly the right time to peak. Plus I like the fact that he seems like an absolutely, stand-up, nice guy.

Each week Kevin got more confident showing the judges what he could do. He’s not flashy, but he has really solid cooking experience and I’m interested to see what he’ll do next.

Top Chef Finale Part 1 - Wok’s Cooking?

Top Chef DC – Season Finale Part 1

What did you think when you learned that the finale of Top Chef would take place in Singapore?

I thought it would be exciting to watch, but, frankly, I was surprised that the chefs were so enthusiastic. I would have thought they’d be rattled by the prospect of having to cook such an unfamiliar cuisine.

Angelo, of course, is familiar with a lot of Asian cooking, but the cuisine of Singapore is complicated with elements from Malaysia, China, Indonesia and India…as just its PRIMARY influences.

It’s not an easily pinned-down style of cooking.

Also the chefs found out just how hot and HUMID Singapore is when they had to cook outside on a steamy night (all the nights are steamy, actually). Just imagine how physically draining it must have been for those four chefs. And it seemed as if they had to start cooking immediately after arriving. Everything was new and different, their senses were working on overload and they were probably exhausted.

In other words, it’s not exactly an easy place to cook. It’s not possible to just coast along and accomplish great things without breaking a sweat. Applying a Singaporean sensibility to their dishes is HARD, but I guess that was the point. I just think this was a really, really difficult challenge.

The chefs meet up at one of the hawker food centers in Singapore with tiny stalls that serve food. Tom arrives with Seetoh, the “King of Singapore street food”. Kelly describes him as Singapore’s leading authority on food. They ”explore” the market with Seetoh. Angelo says it’s his time to shine, since he “has a passion for Asian cooking”.

They taste fried noodles and the national dish of Singapore, which Seetoh describes as plain boiled chicken, which has been iced down and he says something about gelatin. Then they taste chili crabs and cuttlefish.

As they’re walking around, suddenly Padma is standing in front of them. With no down time, their Quickfire Challenge is to cook a street food dish for Padma and Seetoh, using a wok as their only cooking device and the ingredients from the markets.

Seetoh says a chef has to cook in a restaurant for 3 to 5 years before being allowed to hold a wok. Padma tells them that for the first time, the winner of the Quickfire is automatically going to the finals. Wow, that’s big.

They’re running around, hot and sweaty, trying to figure out what all the local ingredients are. Frankly, Angelo doesn’t seem anymore clued in than the other three. But that’s what I’m saying about the cuisine of Singapore. It’s complicated.

Kelly is happy that Angelo is doing frog’s legs, because they can get overcooked in a second, she tells us.

The dishes:

Angelo - Chili Frog Legs with Pineapple and Rambutan Salsa

Seetoh: “Was the shrimp paste the only salty agent you used?” Yes, says Angelo. Padma: “And I would imagine that you’re no stranger to the wok.” “I’ve dabbled into it a little bit.”

Kelly - Chinese Noodles with Lobster, Cockles, Bean Sprouts and Chinese Broccoli

Seetoh: “Not many street food operators inject THESE things into noodles. I like how you did that.”

Kevin - Seafood Stew with Lobster and Cuttlefish with Crispy Shallots

Padma asks Kevin if he’s ever used a wok. She is astounded (and kind of rude) when he says no. “What’s wrong with you?” she shouts.

I admit that that is kind of surprising, but give the guy a break. She’s so busy yelling at him that we don’t hear anything from Seetoh. Padma continues saying, I told you you could win $100,000 and you DIDN’T practice with a wok?!!

Kevin tells her he thought it was more important to study the ingredients. He tells us he didn’t have any huge burners to cook on. I think the whole thing is so hard that I’m not sure what difference pushing some food around in a wok would have made. He’s right, it’s the ingredients that are the challenge and not necessarily the cooking techniques.

Ed - Stir Fry Noodles with Black Pepper Sauce, Lobster and Gai Lan

Padma: “You used two different kinds of noodles?” And then she says, ”You HAVE used a wok before?” He nods. Closeup on Kevin looking worried. Ugh to Padma.

The results:

Seetoh liked the robust flavors of Angelo’s dish. He also liked how Kelly captured the essence of the ocean and how she burned and seared the noodles. He thought Kevin’s dish was very sophisticated and complex.

I don’t exactly get what Seetoh said about Ed’s, but he liked it a lot. Oh, he must have liked it, because Ed won and now he has immunity. Ed smiles widely. Angelo looks ill.

Padma tells them that the Elimination Challenge is to cater a party for Food and Wine Magazine based on local cuisine.

The chefs come to the somewhat surprising conclusion that they should only make one dish each. Why do I say it’s surprising? Because in the previews, we saw Tom stomping into the kitchen saying, “You’re only making one dish each?!!”

They have to work as a team to create a “cohesive” menu. We see a lot of discussion about them making only one dish, but since they’re going to be cooking to order, they think more than that will be impossible.

They go to the market and buy all this stuff, but they have no idea what it all is. They’re asking the merchants all kinds of questions. Ed decides on his own to make a second dish, but he doesn’t tell anyone. Is that going to screw everyone else?

They go back to the kitchen and have one hour to prep. Angelo is making lamb tartare. Does that even sound good?

Un-oh. Tom does indeed come in and express dismay that there are only 4 dishes on the menu. He asks them if they think that’s enough. Ed smirks and says that he planned for two all along.

Tom says he thinks they really should do two apiece. How is that even possible at this late hour? They have to root around and find out what’s in the kitchen and then, with not even an hour to go, make that AND their other dish? Could this be totally fake?

The others are po’ed at Ed for making them look bad. I don’t blame them, but please just me HOW are they going to do this?!!

Oy, there’s blood on the floor. Kelly really cuts herself badly and has to wear a glove to finish up, which doesn’t help matters.

They have a bit of time off after prepping and they go prawn fishing. Kevin is afraid to put the worm on the hook AND take the prawn off. Kelly says (to us) that he has to toughen up.

Dana Cowin and Seetoh are at the table with the judges.

There seems to be a problem with the wait staff. They don’t really understand English and they’re writing some of the orders in CHINESE! Ed and Kevin start speaking French to them. And I still don’t know how the chefs got their two dishes done.

Kelly - Chilled Cucumber-Yogurt Soup, Bitter Melon Salad

Dana: “It has a lot of acid.” I think that’s a good thing. Gale loves it. Seetoh: “The concept is…good. She’s balancing sweet, bitter and that yogurt touch is very good.”

Kevin - Clam Chowder With Flavors of Southeast Asia

Dana: “Delicious.” Tom: “I like the dish. Really great to look at it. The flavors are clean.” Seetoh: “This is good.” He likes the cockles that Kevin had trouble opening.

Angelo - Spicy Shrimp Broth with Ginger and Prawn Dumplings

Did he make or buy those dumplings? And HOW could he possibly have made them at the last minute?

Dana: “Comforting and yummy, but it’s very complex.” Padma: This dish has a refinement that’s very rare.” Gale likes the mushrooms, Seetoh like the prawns.

Angelo - Lamb Tartare with Rambutan Ceviche and Curry Oil

Dana says tartare is not her thing, but that Angelo “pulled it off”. Seetoh: “He did a good job. Imaginative.”

Ed - Crispy Rice and Potato Cakes, Sweet and Sour Pork, Kai Lan

Tom thinks the dish is full of the market flavors, but is much more refined. Gale likes that it includes flavors from different parts of Southeast Asia. Dana says she would eat a bottomless bowl of this.

Kevin – 63° Farm Egg, Pearl Tapioca, Radish Condiment

Wow, this ain’t easy. Read one blogger’s adventures with the 63° egg here. We don’t see if Kevin cooked the eggs sous vide, but I guess he had to. The judges think the dish is beautiful and cooked perfectly.

Hmmm. At this point, I don’t see Kevin going home. And I think Angelo is okay too. Since Ed has immunity, that leaves Kelly in danger. I don’t see it playing out any other way than Kelly going home. Let’s see how Kelly’s last dish does.

Kelly - Seared Prawns, Spicy Red Coconut Curry, Crispy Prawn Heads

Tom thinks it’s a NICE dish. (Uh-oh, is that our hint she’s going home?) Gale thinks it’s complex.

Ed - Fried Banana Fritter with Red Chili Paste

Tom and Dana are LOVING the fritters. Actually, they all do.

Dana makes a toast to the chefs thanking them for their food. Padma chimes in a little harshly, “We’ll see you back at JUDGES’ table.” Harrumph, can’t she give them even ONE SECOND to bask in the glow of a job well done?

Seetoh is at Judges’ table, not Dana. Alright, let’s hear it. Tom says everything was really good and it was the best food they’ve had all season.

The only bad thing they say about Angelo’s soup is that it was thick (Tom) and too salty (Padma).

Tom says the texture of the fish in Kelly’s soup was a little off. Gale wishes her prawn dish had had more heat. (Yup, they’re preparing to boot her off.)

Ed says that even with immunity he wanted to give the judges a great “product”. He often refers to food like that…as a product. I’m not sure I like that…as if he’s cooking on an assembly line and, at the end, there emerges a great “product”. I suppose it IS a little like that, though.

The judges rave over Ed’s dishes. Padma is smiling wildly at him.

Kevin’s dishes got good remarks too. Tom says the risk with the egg was worth it.

They go out and Angelo is SURE he’s going home. They go back in. The winner is…Ed. What does he win? We don’t hear anything about a prize. Okay. And going home is…Kelly. I’m not surprised, but I wish all four of them could have gone on. Angelo starts to weep.

The three guys sit down and congratulate each other. Then Padma comes in and says the judges want to see them. Oh gosh, what is it? We don’t find out, but in the preview we see three former Top Chef winners there. I guess they will be their sous chefs. That’s great that they have no duds amongst them and they’ll actually help.

So the finale of Top Chef is set. The battle lines have been drawn and it will be a fight between Angelo’s Asian prowess, Kevin’s scrappy ability to often land near the top and Ed’s inventive, highly-skilled dishes.

Right now, my sing dollars are on Ed, although I won’t be surprised if Angelo pulls it out, especially because, in the previews, they’re trying so hard to convince us that he’ll be too sick to compete. I’d also be happy if Kevin managed to be the best cook on that day. He would appreciate it the most, I think, and probably gain the most from the title of Top Chef.

Top Chef DC – Buzzing About Space

Top Chef DC - Gastro-nauts

We learn that Kelly misses her husband and that Angelo was divorced last year. And he already has a fiancée?

There are all kinds of wines in the Top Chef kitchen when the chefs arrive. Dana Cowin is there. She says that 10 percent of food and wine pairings are awful and 10 percent are magical. The chefs have to choose one of the wines to make a magical dish and this is the final high stakes Quickfire Challenge. The winner will go to London for 6 nights.

Why is Padma wearing a skinny tie and a 50’s style tuxedo jacket? She looks like a Four Season.

They have one hour.

I’m having a bad feeling about Kevin. His pork belly isn’t ready after pressure cooking, so he grabs some quail and has a hard time getting it together.

The Quickfire comments:

Tiffany

Padma: “Your meat was cooked beautifully.”

Kevin

Dana: “Quail is quite delicate.” Did she mean HIS was, or that the bird is so delicate and the wine he chose didn’t go well with it?

Angelo

Dana: “Interesting dish.”

I can’t tell what she thought about Ed’s and Kelly’s dishes.

The losers:

Kevin, but she DID say his quail was beautifully cooked. Kelly - Dana didn’t like the bleu cheese foam with the wine.

The best dishes:

Angelo’s and Tiffany’s. She loved Tiffany’s seasoning. The winner is… Angelo. He looked so sure he wasn’t going to win. He looks happy.

Padma says that for the first time ever the final challenges will take place internationally in Singapore. Hey! I knew that! Back here, I said that Singapore was the finale location. That was the word that was going around and it turned out to be true! That’s cool, and they're told only 4 of them will be competing there.

Angelo says he feels tingly all over thinking about going to Singapore because he feels Asian inside. Ew.

Padma says they’re sending them to MASSAGE to find out about their last challenge in DC!!! What?!! I don’t want to see that, I really don’t.

Wait, let me listen to that again. She says they’re sending them to MASA. Is that some Asian sage in DC where people go to learn deep things?

One more time…with the closed captioning this time. WHAT did she say? Oh, NASA! Just spit it out, Padma!!!

Kelly says she went to space camp when she was 13 and that she’s a space nerd.

They arrive at the Goddard Space Flight Center. Tiffany says it looks like the movies. Tom (where did he come from?) introduces them to NASA’s head food scientist, Vickie Kloeris.

She says she manages the “food system” for the space station. I guess in space it’s not real food, it’s a “system”. Is that because it’s all in pellets?

Okay, this is scary. In the flight center, suddenly two astronauts - on the actual International Space Station - are beamed in on the big television screen to talk to the chefs. Surely, they must have better things to do than to appear on Top Chef.

Was this part of their training? In their thousand page flight training manual, did they cover how to appear on reality food television? I’m not sure I feel comfortable with this. The CIA was bad enough, but NASA?

If the chefs go to the floor of the Congress in the next episode and start handing out funnel cakes, I’m going to write to my representative.

The space travelers show the chefs their packets of coffee with cream and sugar, scrambled eggs and chicken fajitas. Kevin says this is surreal! And how!

Their challenge is to design a dish that is truly out of this world. It has to follow their guidelines for dining in zero gravity. (What? No olive pits?)

The winning dish will be recreated in NASA’s laboratory (note it’s a laboratory, not a kitchen) and be flown to the space station on a future mission.

They’ll be serving 8 people including Buzz Aldrin. Kelly is psyched. Vickie says the dish, which will be freeze dried, shouldn’t have a high concentration of sugar or particularly large pieces of things, which don’t freeze dry well. Also she says that the astronauts like spicy food. Kevin is nervous about the dish. I’m getting that bad feeling again…that he’s going home.

They go shopping. Tiffany is buying fish. I’m thinking that’s not a great idea. Kevin says he wants his dish to be homey and “down to earth”. Good one.

Based on the editing, it seems 100% that Kevin will bounce.

Tom comes in and gives Angelo a look when he tells him he’s doing braised short ribs. Angelo asks, “Why the look?” Tom says no reason.

Then he quizzes Angelo and asks which of Vickie’s suggestions he’s trying to incorporate. (I’m thinking that Tom is thinking of the no-big-pieces rule.) Angelo is being a dunce and says he’s trying to cut down on the sugar.

Is he really going to serve a hunk of short ribs, when they were specifically told to keep the stuff in little pieces?

Kelly is also doing fish. Tom chats amiably with her and doesn’t try to spook her the way he did with Angelo.

When Ed tells Tom about his Moroccan dish, Tom says he didn’t see too many Middle Eastern astronauts up there. Ed says they want it to be spicy.

Tiffany is doing halibut too. Interesting. Hers sounds soooo good. She’s making it with a red curry. Forget what I said about fish being a bad idea, although I would never FREEZE fish, much less FREEZE DRY it.

Tom seems to like Kevin’s idea of New York strip steak, bacon jalapeño marmalade and corn purée – kind of comfort foods.

Tiffany has a problem. Her mussels, which she was keeping cold in the fridge, froze and now she can’t use them.

More Kevin face time. Uh-oh.

There’s a note on the table at their house that says their ride to the final challenge – a Toyota Avalon - will be given to the winner of the challenge.

Kevin says there are only 4 seats to Singapore and the fifth chef who goes home tonight will be devastated. Oh gosh, it is SO him. They arrive at the place they’re cooking and they have one hour. Kelly says she thinks it will be Ed to go home.

Tiffany tells us she started working at IHOP in 10th grade and she wanted to work in the kitchen. They told her no ladies and she decided to work harder than anyone and get there. (I’m a little unsure if she meant she made to the IHOP kitchen or a professional kitchen in general. I kind of hope it was the latter.)

Angelo is worried his dish is too sweet. The NASA folks arrive. Buzz Aldrin holds Padma’s chair. SHE should hold HIS chair. Padma welcomes them all to the Ronald Reagan Building and the International Trade Center. Tom asks Buzz how it felt to walk on the moon. Buzz says magnificent. He’s a cutie.

Kelly’s dish is up first. Anthony Bourdain is there. Oh, this’ll be good.

Kelly

Pan Roasted Halibut With Artichoke And Fennel Barigoule, Salsa Verde Salad

Buzz has such a sweet smile.

Tom: “This is really well done. The fish is nicely cooked.” Buzz: “That’s very nice.”

Padma asks Buzz what the first thing he ate in space was. He says, “You don’t want me to say Tang, do you?”

Buzz asks Vickie how she would freeze dry Kelly’s dish. She said there was a lot of extraneous fluid which wouldn’t work well. (Was that one of the criteria they were supposed to know?) One of the astronauts says that in space you miss crunchy things (she liked Kelly’s artichokes), so that would be great if something could be kept crunchy.

Ed

Yogurt Marinated Rack Of Lamb With Eggplant Purée And Couscous Croquette

Eric asks what you do with the bone. The lady astronaut says one of the things people forget about is the trash. You can’t just throw it away.

Tom: “It’s really flavorful, everything is well cooked, well seasoned.” Eric: “Eet’s too complicated for me. It’s too many different textures and flavors.”

Tony: I just want to express my disappointment with the Ripper over here. I’ve been to Morocco. I think Ed NAILED it.” Ooh, goodie, chef-fight! Darn! Nothing happens. Buzz: “I’m glad you all don’t agree totally all of the time.”

Kevin tells us that he wants this more than the other chefs. He says they’ve cooked for celebrities or they have their own place. He says he doesn’t have that and he’s trying to get there. That sounded kind of plaintive, actually.

Kevin

NY Strip Steak With Bacon Jalapeño Marmalade, Corn Purée

Tony asks about cutlery in space. Lady Astronaut says spoons are very important and Buzz says he still has his from Apollo 11.

Tom: “Kevin did a nice job cooking the meat. I think it’s well-seasoned. The sauce works pretty good.”

Debbie Downer Vickie says it would be pretty impossible to maintain the crispy texture of his sweet onion garnish in space.

But I’d love to eat it in space, Crunch-loving Lady Astronaut says. She tells the table that she was up in space for 4½ months. She says that there was a cosmonaut with her who was in space for a year. He went up from the Soviet Union and came down to Russia. Tony: "Sounds like a sitcom to me."

Tiffany

Pan Seared Alaskan Halibut With Coconut Curry, Snow Pea Shoots And Jasmine Rice

That looks really good.

Eric: “I’m not excited about the shitake mixed with the rice and the coconut sauce.” How come? He also doesn’t like the pea shoots. He doesn’t think it all comes together “to elevate the halibut”. Well, if there’s one thing I know first hand now about Eric’s cooking, it’s that his combinations of ingredients are REALLY carefully thought out.

Hey, food aside, if you look carefully (really carefully) you will see on Chef Ripert’s jacket lapel a tiny ribbon, which is, I believe, a decoration from the French government. How do I know? Because I know someone else very distinguished who has one, although Eric Ripert’s is the Legion d’Honneur and you can’t get better than that! I’m actually very proud of myself for noticing.

Tony says the one ingredient that’s really “singing to him” is the fish sauce in Tiffany’s dish.

Angelo

Ginger-Lacquered Short Ribs & Horseradish Crème Fraiche

Oh, good for him…the meat IS in small pieces.

Buzz: “Very tasty and then when I got the pickled mushroom…What a surprise!” He’s so dear. Tom didn’t care for the candied ginger, which he said was too sweet. Other than that, he thought it was “a successful dish…flavorful and very, very elegant”.

Eric says the pickled mushrooms bring contrast, but it’s a tiny bit too acidic for him. Tony says he’s shocked by Eric’s “dark, cynical, snarky and negative world view. He says he’s all lightness and love now. And he thought Angelo’s dish was very sophisticated.

Padma thanks the diners.

More moments of Kevin talking. Is he going to be the one?

Back at Judges’ Table. Oh good, Tony is there too.

Tom says they all did an amazing job.

They start with Ed. Tony says he pulled it the dish off. Eric says it was too complicated, but he recognizes his talent. Tom says he got away with having so many ingredients because everything was done well.

Tom says Tiffany could have done without the tomatoes, plus the skin on the pepper was bitter. Eric says it needed lime juice. Tony says he wished the fish were stronger tasting against her excellent sauce. Hmmm, this is sounding a little dicey. They’re all being a lot more critical than when they were actually eating her dish. Tiffany admits the mussels got frozen and she couldn’t use them. Should she have said that? We’ll have to see.

Tom tells Kelly she NAILED those artichokes. Eric wonders if she’s been to Provence. She says she has and she adores the food and that it’s close to her heart. Eric says, “EET shows.” She is sooooo safe.

Tom tells Angelo the crystallized ginger was too sugary for him. Angelo says he took a very submissive role in creating this dish. Oh my, listen to this from Angelo:

“I really wanted to focus on precision. The short ribs…I felt like I made love to them.” Eric’s eyebrows go up. Ed tilts his head and looks from Angelo to the judges and back to Angelo. I’m waiting for Tiffany to snort.

Tony: “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Oh c’mon, Bourdain, during your wild days in the kitchen, are you telling me you never had your way with a particularly succulent… Actually, I’m not going there.

Tony continues, “I just know that I loved it.” Eric says (totally ignoring Angelo’s off the wall remarks) says that he liked the topping on the short rib.

About Kevin, Tom says, “The steak was PERFECTLY cooked.” And he liked all the garnishes. The only bad thing Tom could come up with - and it seemed like a stretch as he was saying it - is that he prefers his steak cut thicker.

Okay, now I’m thinking it may be Tiffany who is going home. Tony says his only complaint is that he thinks Kevin may have played it a little safe. Didn’t Kevin cop to that earlier actually? He wanted to give them something homey and comforting. Oh, he just said that in explanation to Tony.

They go to the stew room. It’s got to be Tiffany based on their comments. Eric doesn’t like Ed’s dish. He likes Kelly’s dish the best, although Tony doesn’t think it was all that original. Tom doesn’t understand a jar of candied ginger in Angelo’s dish, but he appreciates the way Kevin really listened to the instructions for the dish. Tony doesn’t think Kevin’s sirloin is “Top Chef” enough. He repeats, “It’s Top Chef and he cooks sirloin?”

Eric did not like the pea shoots cooked in fish sauce in Tiffany’s dish. Tom didn’t like her peppers. Tom admits all the dishes were good and that they’re splitting hairs.

Alright, my final guess of who’s going home? Tiffany…unless they decide to let Kevin have it for being boring. No, it’ll be Tiffany.

Now who do I think wins? Kelly. Oh, I don’t know. No, I still say Kelly. Plus they’re told that the winner will be invited to watch one of the two remaining space shuttle launches at Cape Canaveral. Kelly is absolutely thrilled by the idea. (She looks like she’s the only one.)

And the winner is…Angelo. Two wins in one day. AND he wins Tony’s new book…a new car AND his food will be in outer space. I am sooo bad at this. He goes back to the stew room.

Tom says it is such a difficult decision to pick the one going home. And it’s…Tiffany. Ed looks stunned. Kevin says, “Thank you, sweet Jesus.”

Back in the stew room, Angelo is shocked. The three left hug each other and leave the room. Ed hugs Tiffany as if he won’t let go. I SO liked her. She was great. Aww, shucks…

We see a preview where Padma yells at Kevin, “What’s wrong with you?” Who made her the boss? Is she getting kind of high and mighty? Then Tom yells at all of them, “You only have 4 dishes. Do you think that’s enough?” Listen, as long as they remember NOT to chew gum, they should be fine. (And anyway, they can chew gum medicinally, if they must.)

Who’s my pick now? Angelo…unless he screws up, then Ed.