Top Chef All-Stars - Were You As Sure As I Was Who Was Going To Win?

The final two chefs head out for battle. Luckily, Tom tells Richard and Mike that there will be no tricks or turns. This last challenge will be a straight forward cooking one – they have to create the restaurant of their dreams…in a four course tasting menu.

Back at the hotel, Richard, wearing that goofy knitted hat with the brim, asks Mike who he would want as his sous-chef. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Richard and Mike, ALL the other cheftestants have come back and are assembled in the kitchen. They will have 30 minutes to make an amuse bouche.

Richard and Mike will taste each one and pick their 3 sous chefs from the dishes they like the best. In other words, they will have no idea who they are choosing. I thought they were promised no tricks.

This busts their plans a bit, because Richard really wanted Jen Carroll, Angelo and Dale. Mike really didn’t want Jamie or Marcel.

After tasting, Richard picks Spike, Angelo and Antonia. He’s worried and asks her if she’s okay, because she was just eliminated. She says she is.

Mike gets Tiffani, Carla and Jamie. He calls them his angels. At least he didn’t say goddesses.

Richard says (to us) that Mike’s strengths are his confidence and swagger. He continues that Mike’s weaknesses are…guess what?...his confidence and his swagger.

Mike tells us that in his season, in Las Vegas, he wasn’t mature enough to make it to the finals, but now he is. (?) Ok, his cooking is fantastic, but he always has a smirk on his face, so it’s hard to take him seriously…or trust him.

Richard, who won’t stop telling us how he choked last time, says he tried to tell too much of a story last time. This time he’s just going to “cook delicious tasting food”. Good plan. And I wish he would get over the choking bit! He says it like it’s some kind of excuse.

At the last minute, Richard changes the dessert from Cap'n Crunch something or other to foie gras ice cream. He has Spike helping him with dessert, as well as being in the dining room running a bit of reconnaissance, trying to hear what people are saying about his food.

Tom comes into the kitchen to check in and he says something kind of off-putting to Mike, but Mike isn’t smart or sensitive enough to take it seriously. Tom says he didn’t think anyone picked him to be in the finals. Mike actually laughs it off and says HE was the only one to pick himself. I guess sometimes it pays not to have a brain thin skin.

Here are all the final dishes.

Several judges and special guests start their evening at Richard’s “Tongue & Cheek” restaurant, while a second group dines at Mike’s “Iz”.

At Richard’s is Padma, Hubert Keller (guest judge), Lidia Bastianich (cool!), the Terlato wine guy and Alfred Portale from Gotham Bar and Grill, who looks and sounds EXACTLY like an actor I can’t think of right now. Can you?

Spike is skulking around the dining room just as Alfred says Richard’s oyster amuse shows a lot of skill and sophistication. (Is it really a good idea for him to be wearing his fedora and untucked plaid shirt as he gathers intelligence for Richard?) Spike reports that they LOVED the oyster and thought it was really well-balanced.

Richard’s next course of raw hamachi with veal sweetbreads goes over well. (Remember Antonia’s hamachi last week went bad? And she had to substitute tuna.) Bill Terlato loves all the different elements, which Lidia says harmonize well together. The other cheftestants get to dine too and we see Tiffany smacking her lips. Spike reports that the diners licked their plates clean on that course.

At Mike’s restaurant, Gail introduces Mike to Art Smith, Curtis Stone, who has a second (non-cooking) TV gig as host of Top Chef Masters, and Tom, of course. They are super impressed with his first course of beets with a CHOCOLATE vinaigrette. That’s so ballsy and it sounds amazing to me. Art says it’s subtle. Tom says he’s off to a good start.

There is a bit of a lag before the judges get their second course – a steamed halibut with kumquat marmalade. (I’m loving his food!) Tom says it’s nice looking. Curtis says it’s beautifully cooked. Tom continues, “I don’t think I’ve ever had a piece of fish on the show cooked this nicely.” Curtis says he’s forgotten about the wait.

Back to Richard, his second course is pork belly and black cod. He’s also using kumquat. Alfred Portale proclaims it “a beautiful dish” as it’s set down in front of him. Padma says, “Wow!” Dale says, “This is Richie at his best.”

When the judges’ plates come back to the kitchen, Richard starts to obsess that they’re not picked clean. Spike yells at him that they loved that dish. For goodness sake, they have A LOT to eat in a short time.

Richard moves on with a braised short rib and red cabbage marmalade. Isn't that kind of boring? Richard describes it as “simple”. Lidia says Mmm as she tastes it. Alfred says it’s not that high on the creativity scale, “but execution is good and it’s REALLY delicious.”

Spike is creeping around some more. He tells Richard that they said the dish showed restraint and that “there wasn’t that much going on”. Should he have said that?

Mike’s third course is a braised pork shoulder with a pepperoni sauce. (HOW could that be bad?!!) He says that Tom always argues about whether something is glazed or not and he made this dish just for him and IT’S GLAZED! The judges are entranced. Curtis says, “That’s a nice plate of food.” Tom raises his eyebrows as he chews as if he’s in (hog) heaven. Art: “It’s pretty fantastic.”

I am pretty darned sure that Mike is going to win. It just seems as if things are completely going his way and his food is utterly delicious. I wonder, at this point, if there is any way he can lose.

Smiling at his plate, Tom says, “This is as good as anybody’s food in the finale. In fact, it’s better than most.” Listening to that, Mike seems to have it in the bag.

Mike’s last course is a rosemary caramel custard with pine nuts cooked in syrup and then deep-fried. Doesn’t that sound good? And it looks lovely.

Gosh, it turns out I AM a Mike fan. It took all season, but he finally got me. I am loving his food and I guess I can stand him...finally.

Uh-oh, Tom is not won over. He says it’s overcooked and cooked too fast. Unfortunately that’s the taste he’ll be left with, but I hope he remembers his reverie over the pepperoni-sauced pork. Art likes the flavor, but not the texture.

Richard’s corn bread and foie gras ice cream is served. Alfred does not like the freeze dried texture of the ice cream, which, to me, looks like tuna salad. Lidia says the foie gras doesn’t add a lot.

Spike is prowling around and tells Richard it’s a controversial dish. He suggests that they add milk to it…to make it creamier?, I guess. So they whip up a different batch for the second group of judges. Are they allowed to do that? I guess if they find the time, they can do anything they want.

Hubert loved Richard’s food, admitting, though, that dessert wasn’t as good as the rest of it.

At Mike’s restaurant, Tom says the wait between two of the courses was the only problem. Mike is definitely winning.

The judges switch restaurants. Alfred says Michael’s chocolate vinaigrette is very clever. This group also loves his fish. Mike tells us he feels awesome at this point.

Curtis and Tom are impressed by Richard’s oyster amuse bouche with the frozen crème fraiche. As they taste, we have Richard telling us that he’s been haunted for 3 years by not winning Top Chef.

REALLY, if anyone should be haunted it should be Stefan for losing to Hosea. I guess Richard did flounder, but, at least, he lost to someone good, although Stephanie was never really expected to win, I don’t think.

Tom says “beautiful textures nice flavors about Richard’s Hamachi. Bill Terlato says he can really see a grandmother’s influence in Mike’s restaurant and NOT in the foie gras ice cream, as a bit of a dig at Richard.  I can’t see Mike NOT winning.

Tom and Gail love Richard’s short ribs, but they don’t go on about it as much as Mike’s pork with pepperoni sauce. They all really like the changed foie gras ice cream. Tom says the entire menu was nicely balanced.

Back at their luxurious version of a stew room, Mike giggles that it’s all over and asks Richard if he’s going crazy again. Richard asks him, somewhat incredulously, “You’re cool?” Mike says, “I did everything I wanted to do.” He’s super confident.

Ah-ha, is that earlier remark of Richard’s going to come home to roost, where his strength is his confidence and so is his weakness? I don’t see that as a problem, though, because he was so strong.

At Judges’ Table, Tom says it was the best food they’ve had at any finale. Padma asks Mike if it was harder than he thought this time around. He says the whole season “top to bottom” was tough.

Tom asks Richard how he feels after the last plate goes out. He says he’s a sentence or two away from an emotional breakdown. Gosh, Mike would have answered that question so differently.

Is it good or bad to have a chef that cares so much? Richard IS his food. I guess it’s good for the person eating the dish that’s Richard feels so deeply about it, but I can’t help feeling that he’s going to have a tough road ahead of him in the kitchen if he continues to over-emote over every single dish.

Oh, Tom does ask Mike the same question. He says he felt really happy and he was happy to have served his guests and that they left happy. That’s normal.

Tom and Gail heap praise on Mike’s fish dish (Tom:  “Can’t find a flaw with it”) and his sensational pepperoni sauce. Richard is looking sicker and sicker. Hubert says he has to leave that dish on his menu when he opens his restaurant.  Tom does mention his less than perfect custard.

Hubert says Richard’s amuse was brilliant. Tom says his hamachi was a really successful dish and his beef dish was “safe” but perfectly done.

Padma asks Mike why his restaurant should earn him the title Top Chef. He says he really wanted to get there and show them who he had become. Then he gets sentimental (still with a big smirk) and says something about his wife and wanting this more than he can say.

Richard answers that he hopes his restaurant that night showed them some creativity and  his “new-found understanding of the pleasure principle”. Huh? He adds it’s not about him, but about the guest.

My money is on Mike.

Richard adds that the money would give him the opportunity to open a restaurant and do what he would want to as a chef. Is $200,000 even enough to BEGIN to open a restaurant these days? You could probably outfit a really food truck with that money.

Hubert says to Padma, “It’s going to be a tough one.” Richard says to Mike in the stew room that ‘There was heavy petting going on for Mikey Isabella. “

Then their families arrive. Mike’s wife, sister and mom are there. Richard’s uncle is there, because his wife is very pregnant.

Back in the room with the judges, Tom says he’s on the fence and he’s really not quite sure yet who won. Hubert says it’s amazing that they only had 5 hours to put it together.

Okay, let’s get to it. They analyze each course and it still seems even. Tom says both of them have a long career in front of them. Padma says she thinks they have a new Top Chef, even though from listening to their comments, we have NO IDEA who they’ve chosen. I still think it’s Mike, based on what they said as they were eating, although at Judges’ Table, it seemed closer.

And here it is. Tom says either one of them is worthy of the title. And the new Top Chef is…Richard. He looks SHOCKED! Mike looks down cast. Padma and Gail hug him like he’s a little boy, who just scraped his knee. Mike says (to us) he feels like he beat Richard and he just didn’t win the prize. We see a strange moment when he calls his wife and says. “I won Top Chef.” She says WHAT? And then we don’t hear anything else. Weird.

On the really poor after-show (they need a Real Housewife or two), Richard and Mike are in NY live with Andy. They both look awful. Richard’s hair looks dreadful and Mike looks like he needs to go on a spa retreat, although he IS quite jolly. In fact, he’s a lot jollier than Richard. It just goes to show, however many prizes you win, you need to feel worthwhile from the inside out. Mike has no need of a title to feel valuable. Richard, in spite of the title, seems to always need validation. 

Top Chef Finalists On The Today Show

If tonight’s Top Chef-All Stars finale is anything like Richard’s And Mike’s appearance on the Today Show this morning, we’re in for some pretty dreary viewing.

In their defense, the two chefs had only about 5 minutes to assemble their own versions of a springtime lasagna.  Matt and Meredith were supposed to taste both and then declare a winner, EXCEPT that they initially refused to say whose they liked better because they thought that wasn’t nice. 

After being kind of wishy-washy, Matt finally went with Richard and Meredith liked Mike’s. Savannah Guthrie played the Wolfgang Puck role from last week and broke the tie – It was Richard by (the opposite of) a landslide. He was put over the top by one casual taster, who had a split second to decide. I wonder if tonight’s verdict will feel as rushed.   

Top Chef All-Stars - The Envelope Please And For Mike, Blood Is Only Thicker Than Water When It’s Convenient

Top Chef All-Stars Last Supper

The finale of Top Chef All Stars is tomorrow. Gosh, it feels as if we’ve been watching this season for ages!

The three remaining chefs, Antonia, Mike and Richard have to pick through a season of Quickfire horrors to decide what their last Quickfire dish will be. Because Mike won the last Elimination Challenge, he gets to choose first.

He picks Antonia to cook a dish only from canned foods. Antonia picks Richard to make a dish from hot dogs and hot dog accoutrements. And Richard, for some reason, gives Mike a one pot challenge, which is the easiest of the lot.

As they’re cooking, Padma comes in and throws a wrench in the works. They each will have one horrible thing added to the way they can cook their dish. It shakes out like this – Mike can use no utensils or tools; Richard can only use one hand; and Antonia has Carla tied to her and each of them can use only one hand. Mike is the least affected, since his dish was mostly finished.

Padma and Wolfgang Puck, the guest judge, come back to taste. Wolfgang says Antonia’s coconut curry soup has strong flavors, but good balance.

Richard in his usual over-achieving way, made a curried wurst AND bread AND ketchup. Wolfgang looks at it and says he could feed it to his kids. Richard looks crushed, but actually he meant it in a good way.

Mike’s braised pork shoulder with black beans is a bit tough, but again Wolfgang likes the balance. And Mike is the winner. He gets $5000 from Terlato Wines.

They move on to the Cloisters. For a minute I thought I missed the part where they went back to New York, and they went to the Cloisters in the Bronx. No, not exactly.

THESE Cloisters are at the “one and only” Ocean Club. The Bronx Cloisters are impressive with gorgeous views of the George Washington Bridge and the Hudson River, but the Cloisters in the Bahamas are breathtaking.

Speaking of the Bronx, check this out and stay out of the way of any stray cobras! 

There they are met by Morimoto, Wolfgang Puck and Michelle Bernstein. The chefs’ Elimination Challenge is to create a last supper for these chefs based on their favorite foods. Mike as the Quickfire winner AGAIN gets to choose who gets whom. He chooses Morimoto for Antonia. Of course, he does. Here’s where their cousinhood means nothing (I’m not saying it should) and he probably is assuring her elimination.

He chooses Michelle Bernstein for himself and Richard gets Wolfgang. Mike says (to us) that he wants to compete in the finals against the best and he thinks Richard is the best.

It’s not that I think that Mike and Richard are so much better than Antonia, but Morimoto’s dish is obviously going to be the hardest, because it’s Japanese and much more alien to them.

Before the chefs confer, Padma says there’s one more “final surprise” in the envelope that she’s holding, which won’t be revealed until the next night. 

Wolfgang tells Richard he would want his last meal to be goulash, spätzle and apple strudel. Michelle wants fried chicken, biscuits and gravy. Whoo-hoo, how tough! NOT! And Morimoto tells Antonia that he wants rice, which has to picked through grain by grain, miso soup, pickles and sashimi. Good luck to her! She has one huge problem when the hamachi she was about to use is slimy and rancid. That’s not good. Wisely, she substitutes tuna.

Here are the dishes. They are tasted by the usual crew of judges - Tom, Gail and Padma. Plus these latest three chefs - Michelle Bernstein, Wolfgang and Morimoto – are there. AND Padma introduces Melanie Dunea, who wrote “The Last Supper”, where she interviewed FIFTY chefs about their last suppers.

Morimoto likes Antonia’s rice which was really the hardest element, but thinks her miso is salty. Tom says most Japanese food is very subtle, but hers is really highly spiced…TOO highly spiced.

Michelle is super happy with Mike’s reinterpretation of chicken and gravy. Instead of the biscuit he did an empanada. Morimoto says his white meat is dry. Tom doesn’t understand why he sous-vided the chicken first and THEN battered and fried it, because the batter kind of fell off.

Richard’s apple strudel came out amazingly well and Wolfgang says even his mother would have approved of this meal.

At the end of the meal, after much give and take between all the diners, the three chefs are told that Judges’ Table is taking place there and then. Michelle tells Mike that except for the chicken not being completely juicy and the breading falling off a bit, the dish would have been perfect. (Aren’t those kind of major things?)

Wolfgang says Richard got the flavors so right on, although the spätzle was tough.

Morimoto tells Antonia that her miso soup was salty, but that her food was very interesting.

Tom almost immediately says Richard will be cooking in the finale. Then Padma tells Antonia and Mike that only one of them will be moving on. And she asks them if they remember the envelope. Oy, what now? There are still more than 15 minutes left.

Padma hands the envelope to Antonia to open. She reads a card that says there is one more challenge left. Then Tom says they have 45 minutes to go back into the kitchen and make the judges one bite. The winner will move on to the final.

Not that I don’t think that’s an okay challenge, but I hate how they have these marathons of cooking, where the chefs give it their all, only to have to cook more. Then it becomes as much a physical challenge as a mental and skill-based one.

Mike’s dish was a well-prepared Caribbean lobster and beef tartare little taste. Antonia’s was a well-spiced, super flavorful grouper in a coconut lobster broth.

They go around the table, saying which dish they prefer. (The chefs aren't there.) 3 of them prefer Mike’s and 3 of them prefer Antonia’s with Wolfgang yet to speak.

Wolfgang says that he’d still be thinking of Antonia’s dish the next day, while Mike’s dish was technically prepared perfectly. We're left hanging during a commercial. And who wins? Mike. They can justify it somewhat, but Mike definitely didn’t walk away with it.

So in the end, the producers got exactly who they wanted in the finale and Richard finally gets the chance to redeem himself (in HIS eyes) and take the big prize. But will he? I’m not sure, because Mike is certainly on a roll and will do anything to win.

Top Chef All Stars - Beached and Battered

Top Chef All-Stars Island Sun

Still in the Bahamas, the four remaining chefs get up early to head to the next challenge. Richard is wearing the strangest hat I’ve ever seen. It’s a woolen knit cap with a visor and it’s purple! Plus there’s something white sticking out of it, which looks weird. A label? A bandage? Maybe it’s a secret drawing of a recipe that’s he’s trying to keep hidden from Mike.

        

The chefs get to the kitchen of the Bahamian Club at the Atlantis and there’s Padma with Lorena (It’s all about the love) Garcia, the judge from America’s Next Great Restaurant. (Shall we simply call her Lorena IAATL?)

Padma tells the chefs that the Quickfire is about consistency and precision. “A great chef makes (a) dish exactly the same EVERY time,” she says. The chefs nod.

In teams of two (so that makes 2 teams), they have to make 100 identical servings of their dish and Padma and Lorena (IAATL) Garcia will pick random plates and then compare them for consistency. Shouldn’t the chefs’ dishes be consistent anyway… without making such a big deal of it? And how will they choose ONE winner? Oh, the winning team splits $5000. They have one hour. THAT would be the major roadblock to me.

Mike says the guys are the favored ones. Obviously, they’ll lose.

Mike is making pasta. Richard is making a Bolognese. The gals are making a beef salad. Just setting out 100 plates takes a LONG time.

Richard patronizingly describes the other team’s dish as “slice and serve”. The guys are SO losing.

Padma and Lorena (IAATL) come back into the kitchen and pick 2 numbered plates from each team.

Padma says their dishes look consistent. This is slightly dumb.

Lorena (IAATL) asks how the guys portioned their dishes. WAIT FOR MIKE’S ANSWER. IT’S A GOOD ONE! He says…HE SAYS (this is important) that they portioned the pasta and sauce with…READY?!!...A SERVING SPOON!!! The guys look like they’re holding back smirks. I, however, don’t have to hold back mine.

What the hooey difference does it make HOW they served the friggin’ thing? If they had been making cookies, then, yes, an ice cream scoop, for example, is a good thing to use to get uniform-sized cookies. But the fact that they used a simple spoon - and Lorena (IAATL) acts as if, yes, that was exactly the right tool to use - is laughable!!!

They move on to Antonia and Tiffany. (I’d bet MY serving spoon that they will be the winners.) Padma says, “These PLATES seem to look very similar…which is good.” Yes, I would say that’s good, since that’s what the challenge was! Is it me or is this sounding really inane?

Obviously, no matter how many dishes a chef is making, they should look the same. They’re acting as if this is a novel concept.

Lorena likes that the slices of meat are the same size. Well, if they weren’t, the plates wouldn’t look alike, would they?

Mike remarks to us that he could have done the gals’ dish by himself, while he sent Richard to the store for a six-pack. And the winners are…Tiffany and Antonia.  Duh! Winning! (Sorry, that was just pure and simple pandering.) The guys are mad.

They are going off on a boat to an island for their Elimination Challenge, which is to create a lunch menu to celebrate the 80th anniversary of the Nassau Yacht Club. (Yawn.)

The theme, Padma says, is deserted island. Richard immediately thinks of Lord of the Flies and that maybe they will have to catch a wild boar and kill it. Lorena Love (I shortened it) says they must incorporate conch into their dishes. Mike tells us he practiced with conch before he came out to the Bahamas and that it’s very difficult to work with. Richard says he has 20 pounds of conch in his freezer. (Boy, will he be unhappy to come home to THAT if he loses Top Chef!)

Next we see Padma in a bikini (with a translucent wrap), that they’ve been promo-ing all over the place. They leave for the island, not knowing anything about the kind of equipment they’re going to have.

Mike is trying to stay “Cool, calm and collective.” He is the least collective person there. When they get off the boat, they have to jump into four feet of water and run to the beach to open the boxes that are lying there. There are various ingredients and in the box labeled conch are snorkels and flippers. They realize they have to catch their own. Tiffany has never snorkeled before. I admit I would have given up.

I can’t see if they’ve been given spears or GUNS or nets. Antonia is catching hers in a net. The others have nets, as well. Tiffany can’t figure out how to use the snorkel so she goes freestyle. They all manage to catch some. That is amazing.

They have no electricity, no gadgets, and no liquid nitrogen, Richard says. This whole thing would be fun if they were off for a day on a deserted island and if $200,000 weren't riding on it. They have wood grills. They have to bang the conch shells open. Again, this would be great on a normal day. Mike puts the conch in their shells in boiling water for a second to loosen them up.

THIS is what I hate. They’ve spent all this time risking life and limb to CATCH the things, and THEN they have to shell them. Tiffany whoops it up when she pulls ONE conch out of the shell.

Padma and the judges arrive with the Yacht Club hotsy totsies. There follows a fascinating discussion about the reign of the Yacht Club King…or Commodore in sailing parlance.

This is shaping up to be every bit as illuminating as last week’s elimination challenge, which is to say, not compelling at all. The setting is spectacular, but the convo at the table is dim.

Okay, this is weird. Richard is plating up; he’s ready to go. And like a soldier bidding farewell to his family before going off to war, he says. “Mikey, I love you. Antonia, I love you.” EXCUUUSSSE ME, what about Tiffany? She HAS to be there. They’re on the same tiny stretch of beach on a deserted island. It’s just strange. Tiffany IS in the background.

Padma introduces Richard to the Commodore, his wife and “ALL their friends” she says. There are 8 people there, besides the judges. Two of them are the Commodore and his wife. That leaves 6. Hmm. This is all so odd. If they start talking about stamp collecting (no offence to any philatelists), I’m turning this off. That’s how riveting this is.

Lorena Love (LL) thinks Richard’s conch is undercooked. One of the Commodore’s (few) friends says they eat it that way in the islands and that it’s good, byatch! I’m just trying to liven things up.

The King of Commodores likes the mushroom with the conch. Poor Tom is confused and thinks he’s actually eating pasta, when it’s really ribbons of sweet potato. LL also thinks it’s pasta. Padma and Gail are in the know and realize it’s sweet potato. Whew! I’m glad that’s settled.

Oh wow, one of the friends is a sailfish champion. I’m not sure if that means he’s a sailor or a fisherman, but congrats! It’s getting windy and the clouds are darkening. That’s not good.

Antonia is next with her seared snapper and conch ceviche. The Bahamians turn out to be spice devils and LOVE her highly seasoned food. Tom, though, is not impressed with how small the conch is cut. He says you don’t know it’s really conch. And he adds, grumpily, that his fish is overcooked. He points to his neighbor and says his looks UNDERcooked. I think Antonia MAY be cooked too.

Tiffany is serving coconut chowder. The folks can’t figure out if it’s supposed to be hot or not. It’s not Tiffany’s fault that the fire couldn’t get really hot and the weather turned suddenly.  Oy, now I think it’s going to be her going home.

Gail is chatting up the sailor fish guy. Sorry, sailfish guy. Oh, I think a sailfish IS a boating apparatus of some kind.

Mike is next with his banana leaf-wrapped grouper. There’s one Englishman at the table who is very knowledgeable. He feels the fish is overwhelmed by the pineapple. Tom is grumpy (again) about the addition of butter. He just doesn’t understand why Mike would add BUTTER.

Gail likes his dish, referring to him as Michael numerous times. She’s trying to sound a bit yacht-clubbish. I think it would be funny to be there with all those stiffs and tawk Brooklynese and really play that up. Stiff or not, I’m sure they’re all perfectly nice.

Padma thanks them again for “allowing them to celebrate” with them. Oy! As soon as the cameras leave, the yachtsters will probably bring out the Goombay Smashes and get started limboing on the beach before they skinny dip with the conches.

Alright, I think it will be Tiffany. And how can there be EIGHTEEN minutes left? Oh, because they have some nonsense with the chefs figuring out who would be whom from Gilligan’s Island. Mike is the skipper (big and fat); Richard is the professor (smart); Tiffany is Ginger (no reason) and Antonia is Marianne. (Again, no reason).

Oh, we have so much time left because of the Top Chef Masters commercial, which seems to be more about the judges (including James Oseland) and host (snazzily coiffed Curtis Stone) than the actual chefs.

At Judges Table, Tom says they all did a great job. LL liked Antonia’s dish, but Tom didn’t like how small the conch was cut. Padma didn’t like the conventionality of it.

They move on to Richard. Tom cops to not knowing that it was sweet potato. Good for him.

Tiffany liked her own dish and so did LL. But Gail wanted it to be hot. Tiffany says it was when she was plating, but it got really windy. That’s so not fair. Tom thought it was a bit sweet.

On to Mike and Tom says butter doesn’t come into play in Caribbean flavors.

The chefs leave; the judges discuss. They come back in and Mike is the winner. Who’s going home? And it’s...Tiffany. Boohoo. I think Padma actually choked up as she told her to get out of there. That’s a shame. Tiffany did a good job. I think they all did amazing jobs, considering they were being asked to be Diver Dan’s instead of Top Chefs.

This episode bugged me. I didn’t want to see chefs diving into the water and risking harm and misfortune, catching wildlife in the ocean. What if they couldn’t swim? What if they wore contacts or glasses and couldn’t see? What if they got stung by a jelly fish or chomped on by a shark? This is SO unnecessary. Are we watching Top Chef of the Rugged Outdoors?

And this whole nonsense of not having proper equipment to cook with is so irritating. What exactly is this a test of? It’s NOT a test of the skills needed for putting fantastic food on a plate in a restaurant. That is ALL I require of a chef.

I want them to have all the equipment they need. In fact, I want them to have every piece of equipment they can dream of. And with that, I want them to have fabulous, fresh ingredients that they actually know how to work with. And it’s perfectly okay with me if the only test a chef goes through is to cook the same thing a million times perfectly. There’s your consistency and it needn’t involve flippers and a net.  

Top Chef All Stars Are In the Bahamas and Certifiable

This post is even later than usual because of a horrible week with a burned-out computer. I am NOT going to complain, though, but just say remember the Red Cross and all their efforts in Japan.

Welcome to my office hours. Clearly I’m not a Scientologist, because I believe that ALL the contestants on Top Chef could do with a little sit-down (or in Richard’s case a LIE-down) with a good shrink to work out their many issues. These have been prominently on display in the Top Chef kitchen and have seriously impacted each chef’s performance…for good and bad.

I’m dispensing with the blow-by-blow (mostly) for this week’s post. One reason is to talk about the psychological problems of these wacky chefs, but the other reason is because I found this episode to be a completely lackluster and rather dispiriting hour of television and not worth my time (but especially yours) to describe it in detail. They (not the chefs, but the producers AND the judges) seemed to devote SO LITTLE ENERGY to the actual challenges that I’m not going to dignify them by reporting on them minute by minute.

Take the Quickfire. (Please.) Each chef had to cook against the chef that won his or her season. It was so glossed over that I felt sorry that the chefs had to waste their (and our) energy thinking about it, much less DOING it. They were in an old ruin and they were told to cook a protein that Tom had picked. Again with the cooking in a dodgy environment with dicey sanitation.

The long-awaited return (if only by his immediate family) of Hosea amounted to almost nothing, but, in this case, it actually wasn’t his fault. He did say that this was an opportunity to prove to “the haters” that he deserved to win Top Chef.  But the whole challenge was so rushed and so irrelevant that we didn’t even CARE who won.

I had thought there would be an elimination in the Quickfire, which would have added a little vim to the situation, but, no. Each group cooked and one person in each group won $10,000. Then the former winners left and the current contestants stayed. Kind of dumb.

BTW, Tiffany beat Kevin; Hosea did beat Carla, but not because of anything HE did. Carla’s rice was completely undercooked; Richard beat Stephanie and Stephanie beat Antonia. (Richard actually allowed himself to enjoy the win. Good step in the right direction.) And Mike beat Mike Voltaggio. That was pretty big. And all the more pointless for Mike (V.) to have gone there.

But let’s move on to the psychological assessment of the chefs.

Carla described herself as someone “who gave her power away” in HER season of Top Chef, so this time she was super-conscious of cooking her own food, her own way. She had success in different challenges with this new attitude, but it’s worrying that she talks about this season being about Redemption. That says to me that if she doesn’t win, in HER mind she wasn’t redeemed and was, in fact, a failure.

I find it fascinating that the chefs don’t view the situation as simply their DISHES being failures. Instead they look at THEMSELVES as failures if their dishes fail. What’s that old saying? – You can hate the act, without hating the actor, so can’t a chef have a bad dish without being a bad chef?

Richard has been showing doubts from the beginning. He’s a minefield of psychological torment. He tells us at the beginning of the episode that he’s not only worried about losing another round of Top Chef, but also about missing the birth of his daughter, Embryo Gingerroot, Embry Lotus.

Right before the judges taste his food in the Elimination Challenge, Richard says, “It’s disgusting.” Tiffany asks who he’s talking to and he says himself. She says he should talk to someone. I take that as meaning a mental health professional, but she probably just means one of them.

Richard says later his dish might be awful in many different ways. Then in their (Bahamian) stew room, he says, “I hate everything I do.” He repeats that TO THE JUDGES, looking for their reassurance. He seems to have so little self esteem for whatever reason, which manifests itself as crushing doubt in everything he does. Obviously his food is an extension of that. That’s why he pushes and pushes himself for the need to prove that he’s not unworthy. That’s a heavy burden to carry with EVERY dish that he cooks.

Plus how can Richard win, if ALL he thinks about is losing? Hasn’t he ever read The Secret? Hasn’t he ever studied the law of attraction? Also, as we saw in the Ellis Island episode, he was so cowed by the opinion of his wife that it’s easy for him to become frozen by self-doubt and blow the whole thing. All of this in spite of his superior technical skills.

There must have been a female figure somewhere in his life that held great sway over him as he was developing emotionally. Someone needs to tell him it’s about HIM now. It’s all on HIS shoulders, win or lose, triumph or burn. It shouldn’t matter about pleasing people in his past (or present), who probably cannot be pleased all that easily. He needs to be able to rely on himself. Of course, this is probably all hooey, but I see the same patterns in Richard over and over and they seemed pretty clear in this episode.

My spin about Mike is that this Top Chef season for him has been about discovering family. At about the same time that he came to grips with the long-ago loss of his grandmother, he found out that Antonia was a distant cousin. Interesting. He had been avoiding cooking his grandmother’s Italian cuisine his entire career. By embracing it, he won a challenge AND began to appreciate his and Antonia’s common heritage. It was actually sweet (which is not a word you think of with Mike) that his feelings for Antonia instantly changed (and HERS for him) the minute he found out they were related.

Talking about Antonia, clearly she projects an image of strength and capability. She’s a single mother who really wants to be a great example to her daughter. But she seemed most affected when she learned about her MALE relatives at Ellis Island. She was impressed by how they came to America to make better lives for their families.

And it was interesting that in that challenge, she pretended to be a mid-century housewife preparing a meal to please her husband and the father of the family. Clearly, that’s NOT who she is at the moment, but that ideal seems to hold great sway for her.

Who am I missing? Oh, Tiffany. Actually, there’s not much grist for the mill in analyzing her. She’s straightforward and seems well-adjusted and basically wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s not conflicted and tortured about anything.  She does call herself an underdog, but she doesn’t really cook like it.

A few other observations about what went on in this episode:

The chefs were told that their Elimination Challenge would be a meal for Bahamian royalty. I don’t know which is dumber – that the chefs thought there WAS a King of the Bahamas or that the producers thought they could pull that off! (Obviously, they did.)

Eric Ripert, one of the guest judges, poured it on when he told the chefs that it was an honor that they were being included in such a prestigious event. Not ONE chef thought to say, what the hey are you talking about??! There IS no royalty in the Bahamas!!!

The chefs KNEW they were going to the Bahamas. You would have thought they would do a bit of reading up on the fact that it became fully independent in 1973. (It used to be a British colony and is still a member of the Commonwealth.) Did they really think Queen Elizabeth would come strolling in to participate in a Top Chef challenge or that Kate and Will would stop by? Dumb, dumb, dumb!

The most noteworthy king in the Bahamas is usually found under a limbo pole – Action, The Limbo King is his name.

So after the chefs spend a day planning a fancy schmancy meal for “royalty”, it turns out they’re cooking for the Bahamian equivalent of the Mummers.  Percy “Vola” Francis, the King of Junkanoo, is a jovial guy and very regal in his bearing, but you get the feeling it’s not a palace that he’s going home to. He explains that Junkanoo is “a celebration of life in the Bahamas” like Carnival or Mardi Gras. The chefs find out they’re cooking for all the gaily-garbed celebrants in a little tiny local restaurant.

Antonia actually says that this was not the king and queen she was expecting. WHICH KING AND QUEEN WAS SHE EXPECTING??! I really want to know.

Chaos ensues when the kitchen (and restaurant) has to be evacuated when a fire breaks out in a fryer. The kitchen is cleaned up and Tom tells the chefs that they will be cooking ALL over again and serving later that night. I’m getting the same cooking-till-you-drop feeling that happened at Target.

The thing that bothered me most about his episode, though, was what happened when the chefs served their food. The King, in half regalia, arrived in the restaurant with Tom, Gail, Eric and Padma. They ALL squeezed into a booth with very little elbow room. It was hot, they were sweaty, it was probably 2 in the morning or later and there was just no energy in the room. That’s kind of ironic, because these dancing folks were in the most beautiful, brilliantly colored feathered costumes. That’s another thing., NO WAY would they go out and eat in their costumes. Dumb again.

Eric is SQUISHED in the corner, Gail is melting between Tom and Eric and the King says he likes sweet food (unlike the judges, in the case of Carla’s dish). The only one who looks relaxed and cool is Padma. The other judges are a bit short as they say what they don’t like about all the dishes. I just hate the setting. I hate the WAY they’re doing the tasting. The conversation is stilted and I just want them to get out of there.

So what happens? Mike wins and Richard is the second one who’s safe, Who goes home? Carla. It could have been Tiffany or Carla, and I wish it hadn’t been Carla. But by the end, they didn’t make me care about any of them. I just wanted all of them to go home, fight off dehydration and get some sleep.  That’s what I intend to do. 

Richard Is A Puppy Dog, Padma Is Brutal And Mike Makes Me Cry

Top Chef All-Stars Give Me Your Huddled Masses

We have to relive, unfortunately, Dale going home. Richard feels really bad about Dale leaving. He wanted to go to the end with him.

Antonia talks to her daughter, Xexe. (That’s how it’s spelled in the closed captioning, but she pronounces it Zayzay). Antonia misses her, but wants her to see her mother being passionate about things.

The chefs are in their house. Richard asks Antonia if she can predict what’s coming next, because she has a good nose for these things. She casually asks if Padma is coming to the house. Tiffany says she was thinking the same thing. All of a sudden (as if on cue), Padma appears. Antonia nearly flips out. Even Mike says, “My God!”

Padma tells them to get their chef’s coats on and meet her up on the roof. Gosh, they can see everything from there. She tells them that 18 chefs started and only 5 remain and what an accomplishment. Actually, that’s almost 1 in 4 odds. That’s really not so hard. I don’t think they should feel that great.

Padma tells them they’re taking a fairy to an historical landmark. What does that mean? OH, FERRY!

You think THAT'S bad? Philadelphians (like H) say furry for ferry and vurry for very. New Yorkers never tawk funny.

They learn they’re going to Ellis Island. Wow, they can see it from the roof. What an amazing sight! Mike has never been there. Padma says she’ll meet them there along with their guest judge.

They get on the Miss Freedom Ferry and strangely there are no other people on it. Hey, that’s a real Circle Line Ferry. There is a note for the chefs, which says that their Quickfire Challenge is to prepare a dish BEFORE they dock at Ellis Island, from the things in the snackbar. And they don’t actually know how long they have to “cook”. When they hear the horn, the challenge starts. When they hear it again, the challenge ends.

They rush around and find there’s no cooking equipment or anything else except the hot dog grill. There might be a microwave. Richard grabs an MRE heater thingie out of his knife wallet. Carla is making a salad, because she says it’s different from what everyone else is making.

Tiffany’s idea goes from nachos to popcorn with dried fruit. Mike is making some kind of nasty soup, thickened with torn-up hot dog buns. He says he wouldn’t serve it to his cat.

The horn sounds and they arrive at Ellis Island, where Padma greets them with Dan Barber. Now, if there’s ONE person who wouldn’t appreciate things make from garbage-y packaged stuff, it would be Dan Barber, who probably doesn’t use even a paper clip that he hasn’t raised himself, so this could be tough. 

The dishes are all here.

Richard is first and he reminds us that Dan was his celebrity sous-chef in his Top Chef finale in Puerto Rico. He tells them that he used his own MRE thingie to make a version of banh mi and Dan says, “I wanna go to war with you, bud.”

OH, Tiffany made BOTH the nachos and the popcorn. Double bad, I guess. Padma asks if they had all the fixings for the nachos ready. Tiffany says yeah, so basically she threw together some inferior nachos. I guess it was good that she “made” the popcorn too.

Mike is describing his cheddar cheese sour cream and hot dog bun soup to the judges and Antonia tells us that she finds it funny that everyone is trying to elevate their dishes to make them sound good. She says his sounds disgusting. (It looks that way too.)

Carla’s orange and papaya salad with carrot and rosemary juice doesn’t look half bad (well, maybe only a third bad).

Richard mocks Antonia (to us) for taking the cheese off one sandwich and putting it with the bread from another sandwich and making a grilled cheese. I don’t see the problem.

Dan says that although he’s not used to this type of food on Top Chef (or anywhere else, probably), the chefs did a great job. However, he thinks Tiffany’s dish was a little plain, “too much like a throw away”. He thinks Richard’s dish was a creative way to use a frankfurter.

Dan says Mike’s Cheese Soup could sink the ship. Antonia pipes in (to us) “Mike’s dish was gross and disgusting, so I’m happy that he’s on the bottom.” Ditto.

Dan says (with Richard glaring) that Antonia’s technique of grilling the sandwich on the hot dog cooker was really smart, because it gave the sandwich a pork taste. Dan liked Carla’s orange salad. He said it was refreshing and very innovative to infuse rosemary chips in carrot juice to give the salad a rosemary flavor.

Richard looks like he’s going to pop someone if he doesn’t win. And the winner is Carla!!! Richard is glaring. He tells us that he’s a little bitter.

Padma tells the chefs that this is the last elimination challenge in New York. I wonder where they’re going for the finale. With everything that’s going on everywhere, I’ll feel better if I hear the final episodes are in Vancouver…or Minneapolis. 

Padma says Ellis Island is the symbol of the immigrant experience. For the Elimination Challenge, they have to assemble a dish that reflects their heritage and the journey of their ancestors.

Wait a sec! What if you have a really boring family tree? What if everyone came from Camden? Does this mean that the chefs have to spend a month on Ancestry.com. and what if heaven forbid…someone is adopted?!! This could get dicey.

Maybe I worry too much. Maybe I’m just mad that Dale won’t be there to cook adobo!@#@!

The next thing Padma tells us is that, “The African American experience was obviously very different from the immigrant who came through Ellis Island.” THEN the camera focuses on Carla and Tiffany in what I think is a kind of uncomfortable way. And they make it almost as if they have to explain themselves. Am I the only one to have a bit of an ick moment?

THEN Carla says, “The fact that some my ancestors came from Africa through the slave trade is just as important to me as someone else coming through Ellis island…We’re still a part of the fabric of America.”  WELL, EXACTLY!!! And she shouldn’t even have had to say that.

I can’t help but feel that this challenge is being framed someway insensitively. Fine to be in a kitchen somewhere and cook something that reflects your heritage, but to be ON Ellis Island where 2 of the contestant’s families had no chance of coming through is a little tricky.  

Oh listen to this, I wasn’t so off base. Top Chef actually hired a genealogist to do their family trees. Carla is thrilled! Padma says they have compiled historical documents and stories about their families.

Antonia says (to us) that this is great, because so much of the food they put out as chefs is about who they are as people.

All of a sudden, a bunch of people come out and it’s the chefs’ family members - Tiffany’s mom, Carla’s husband…Tiffany is so thrilled, she gives the ugly cry. Mike’s mom is there. He says he hasn’t seen her in 6 months. Because of the show? Or because he just hasn’t seen her? We don’t know.

Richard’s wife is there. She’s 5 months pregnant. Was this really the best time for him to leave his family. He says his mother passed away 2 months before? How DID he ever leave? By the by, they had the baby, Embry Lotus. Short for Embryo?

The chefs look at the materials the genealogists have prepared for them with their families. They’re sitting on benches outside of Ellis island. Couldn’t they have given somewhere more comfortable?

Tiffany asks her mom about family dishes. She says okra with tomatoes was a big one. Tiffany at first says no, because Tom doesn’t like okra and then she says that she’s not going to change a family tradition because of that. That’s either a clue that she’ll be gone or a hint that she will thrill Tom by cooking something he didn’t like in a way that he will.

Carla’s sweet husband looks through her stuff with her. She learns that her relatives were the last slaves to be freed in Lebanon, Tennessee. That’s pretty big. And she finds out that her great, great grandfather had his own printing business, which she feels must have given her the wherewithal to start HER own catering business. This is about so much more than cooking.

The interesting thing will be how they relate all this information to their dishes. Isn’t it going to be hard for the judges to judge them solely on the actual quality of their food. Mightn't they be swayed by an affecting life story?

Mike seems to have known a lot of his stuff already. Antonia is one quarter Jewish and three-quarters Italian. Then she learns that she and Mike have common relatives from Sicily. They are distant cousins. He says that’s why they fight so much.

Antonia is very affected when she learns about the strong men in her family who came to America to make a better life for their families.

They have to leave their families and go shop.

Richard says he wishes he were Italian, which would give a strong “backbone” to his cooking. He’s Irish and English, so “whiskey’s nice”.

Carla says, “For this plate of food, the judges are learning more about us as people.”

Back at the house, Mike and Antonia, as cousins, hug it out. They all love the picture of Mike in dance class, IN SPANDEX, when he was a kid. The gals laugh A LOT.

Tiffany says that she and Carla are BFF’s, even if Carla is much older. Huh? Why did she say that? And she is? Carla has such a young spirit.

They discover car keys and a DVD left on the table. They run downstairs, climb into a Toyota Hybrid SUV of some kind (which will obviously be the prize). They put in the DVD and there’s Padma telling them that the car WILL be their prize, Duh.

They arrive at Giando On The Water, where they’ll be cooking and serving. They run around cooking. Tiffany says she’s on a mission to get Tom to like okra.

Richard, funnily enough, finds out he has relatives that were chemists. That IS funny, considering his love of molecular gastronomy.

Mike actually comes out with a sweet thought. He says he had never cooked Italian professionally, but tonight he is and he says that it “all comes from the heart of my grandmother to me.” I get a little teary, but let's remember that I do the same thing when the the Kleiers are threatened with not making their full commissions.

The judges and guests arrive and sit down at the long table set for them outside. Oh, the guests are the family members. That’s cute.

The judges chat with the family. Back in the kitchen, Mike says he feels his grandmother on his shoulder.  As the clock runs out, he tells the other chefs that it was a pleasure working with all of them.

Here are all of the dishes.

Mike serves his dish first – gnocchi with a pork ragu. He begins to tear up a bit as he thanks his mom for being there. Aww. Is he actually growing on me?

Mike’s mom says he started cooking at three and learned from his grandmother.

Tom says that they’ve had a lot of problems with gnocchi on the show. There’s a drama-filled pause and a worried look from Mom. BUT this one is good, says Tom. Antonia’s mother really likes it too. Carla’s husband says it’s like a pillow. He’s dear. Dan says he stays away from gnocchi to start the meal because it’s so heavy, but not this one. Mom even says this one tops Mike’s grandmother’s.

Antonia is next. Everyone loves her veal and risotto. Richard’s wife, Jazmin, says she did a great job. Tom says it’s packed with flavor.

Tiffany comes out with a huge smile that matches her beautiful mother’s. She knows she took a chance with okra. Tom says he always finds it slimy. Second dramatic pause with a worried look from Mom (Tiffany’s). BUT this one is good, says Tom. He doesn’t think it’s a bit slimy. Jazmin says it’s a “great representation of her heritage”.

All the food is so good that Antonia’s mother asks if they’ve ever had a final FIVE. Tom says no.

Would it be awful if I said that Richard’s wife seems kind of tough and that Richard seems a bit cowed by her? He’s particularly worried about cooking for her. After his food is served, she studies her plate very seriously. Tom says, “It’s just…It’s all right.” And there’s a dramatic pause and a look that could kill from Jazmin. Tom explains, “I MEAN, not all right, it’s ALL right,” as in it’s ALL good. There’s a huge smile from Jazmin. Whew! That was close.

Dan asks Matthew, Carla’s husband, how they met. He says on Match.com. Gail and Padma are particularly taken with that. They were married 8 months after they met.

Back in the kitchen, Carla’s plate isn’t as pretty as she hoped. Carla comes out with Matthew beaming at her. Gosh, he is darling!

Carla says her family is from all over the south. She passes the cheddar biscuits separately from the pork shoulder. Jazmin likes that homey touch. It’s Mike’s mother’s first time eating grits. She likes them.

Matthew, pleading Carla’s case, says: “Carla’s really big on creating food memories. And I think that if you’ve had this food, it attaches to those memories and if you haven’t…I think it would create one.” Sweet. Matthew is really pleased with everything she’s cooked.

Tom says their decision is going to be difficult.

The chefs come out and they get some time to say good bye to their families. The mothers and spouses seem to forget that the camera and mics are on. Mike’s mom says his was the best, easily. Tiffany gives an adorable nose rub to her mom.

Richard looks at his wife with puppy dog eyes, pleading for approval. "Flavors okay?", he asks agonizingly. "Flavors were great," she says approvingly. "The reduction was delicious." Richard: "People say some things about it?" "Yeah, the meat was delicious." Oy, I can’t listen to anymore of this.  

It’s amazing that Richard cooks with the authority that he does. I’m being mean, I guess. This is a huge challenge and determines who goes on to the finale, so, of course, he’s panicked about the reaction. But couldn’t he at least PRETEND to be a bit more confident? We can SEE you, Richard. “So do you think I’m safe?” he asks. “Yeah, I think you’re safe,” wifey says. He goes away happy with that at least.

Back in the stew room, they toast with champagne. Tiffany says her mom said everyone’s food was good. Antonia says (a Debbie-downer side coming out) that no one would have said anything bad. Padma comes out and calls them all in.

Tom says their families were all proud and they should be. Carla was inspired to learn she had family in so many southern states. She tells them she used liquid nitrogen to chill the corn. The judges were amazed.

Dan says to Richard that he “could see his thoughtfulness from start to finish on this plate.” Tom says it all made perfect sense.

The judges thought Antonia was really brave to serve risotto and they all praised it.

Tiffany raises her eyebrows and looks right at Tom. He says, “You did it.” “I did WHAT, CHEF?” “You converted me,” Tom admits. YAY! She screams. He says the okra wasn’t slimy, it was rich. AND he loved hearing Tiffany’s mother talk about food. “Her smile is your smile.”

They all loved Mike’s gnocchi. He tells them that his mother said, “You’re going to make gravy, right? And you’re going to tell them it’s gravy.” Yes, he said. Dan says he elevated a classic humble dish. Tom says he’s not sure he would have had the courage to listen to his mother, but he says, “The last dish I want to eat on earth is my mother’s gravy.”  Mike looks like he’s going to lose it, Padma asks him why.

He says he was really close to his grandmother when she passed away and he never cooked her homestyle Italian cooking because it was too painful and reminded him of what he had lost. Gail says he did his grandmother proud today. Sniff, sniff. Who doesn’t love a good grandmother story?

They all go into the stew room. Tiffany says that what Mike said about his grandmother was so big. Carla says she can understand him missing his grandmother. They go back in.

I’m pretty sure Mike is going to end up with the car. And the winner and the first person in the finale is…Antonia. Okay. That was a little strange, because one of the few bad things the judges said amongst themselves was that perhaps her meat was a bit salty.

Padma says the final round will take place in the Bahamas. I’m relieved.

Then Tom says Mike is safely in the final and he and Antonia can go back to the stew room. Mike is thrilled that he and his cousin are in the finale. They leave the room.

Next Padma, looking very stern, says, “Richard, please pack your knives.” “You’re going to the Bahamas.” 


SERIOUSLY, that was so mean. He was crushed, heartbroken and relieved within a span of 2 seconds. That’s not fair. And you can tell, he’s furious that they did it that way, but also, of course, relieved to be in the finals. He starts to says “why would you do that?” and he quickly takes a breath and leaves the room. That was horrible. He goes out and says. Safe!” and the three of them hug jubilantly.

Tom says we’ve been going back and forth and it’s been a hard decision. Padma says, “Carla…(Carla sighs and braces herself), Tiffany, you’re both going to the Bahamas.” They gasp and scream. Padma says it really was too tough a decision.

They go into the stew room. Carla is thrilled, of course. Mike says he’d hoped there would be four, but he’ll take five.

In the preview, we learn that next time in the finale, we’ll be seeing Padma in a bikini AND the chefs are competing against the winning chefs of their season. Does that mean we’ll be seeing Hosea for the first time ever? Too bad, but Carla should have the easiest time of all of them. But weren’t some of them in the same season? Yeah, Antonia and Richard were both in season 4. How will that work?

This was a pretty good episode, except uncommonly long, just like this post, and the end was slightly pointless. Why have them go through the entire challenge just to send no one home? Plus there seemed to be the most criticism of Carla’s dish, so it wouldn’t have seemed unlikely for her to go home.

It will be interesting to see how they do a finale with 5 chefs. It does lessen each chef's chances of winning, so probably no one was that thrilled they did that. Plus I was looking forward to having fewer chefs to keep track off. Any guesses about who wins? I say not Mike and, probably, not Carla.